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Learn the effects of divorce on your children to help them survive divorce and develop healthy, happy lives. You'll find advice, resources and many related pages for blended families, child safety, abuse, addiction, and more.

Effects Of Divorce On Children

Effects Of Divorce On Children:  If you're here because you're already divorced and want to help your children adjust, you'll find some sound advice, tried and proven by divorced parents.  If you're a parent considering divorce, please look closely at what your struggle is doing to your children, try to put your differences aside and make it work, if possible...for the kids.  Our page on Marriage Problems may help you with this.  Once you decide to have children, divorce is a far different thing...cutting deeply into the child's whole world.  The child's emotional dislocations from divorce are profound, often permanent, and even sometimes reach into future generations.  The life you live as a parent creates a benchmark for normal in your child's mind.  Unless something intervenes, this is what they will subconsciously try to duplicate as an adult. These are some of the best selling books to help you deal with the effects of divorce on your children.  Let's take a look at some the effects of divorce on children, and things you can do to reduce these effects:

Divorce Effects On Children-Security:  Parents aren't aware of it, but a child's whole sense of the World is based on what they experience of their parents from the moment of conception.  There are other influences, but the most profound influence is that of the parents' behavior toward each other.  A child is secure if the parents are mature, loving and considerate toward each other.  The child is insecure if the parents are immature, spiteful, selfish and argumentative toward each other.  The child is suffering traumatic stress if the parents are violent or threatening toward each other.  Even at that point, if the parents reach resolution and grow toward mature, loving behavior, the child will overcome their insecurity.  If the parents divorce, it teaches the child that there is no stable, secure, loving place.  One child I know, after years, overcame great odds to love and trust his step-mom...shortly thereafter...another divorce.  When confronted as to why he wasn't supportive of a new relationship, he told his father, "She's just going to leave."

Divorce Effects On Children-Self-Worth:  Would I be stretching things to say that there has never been a divorce where children were involved that the children weren't a major topic for argument?  Parents who divorce have a dysfunctional relationship, but that's not what the children see.  They can't remove themselves emotionally and see their family objectively.  Instead, they feel an immense hurt and immense fear of what's happening to their World.  Every time their name comes up, they feel they are the cause of the divorce.  No matter how "equitable" the custody arrangement is, one or both parents will be more distant from them, deepening their feeling that they, somehow, are the reason the parent is gone.  There is no way they can understand why they're not to blame, no matter how much they're told.

Divorce Effects On Children-Vulnerability:  Because of their insecurity and low self-esteem, children of divorce are highly vulnerable.  Since their world seems to be built on shifting sand, they easily attach themselves to anyone offering a consistent standard of behavior.  This makes gangs and cults particularly attractive.  Their desire to prop up their self-esteem often drives them to seek approval anywhere they can find it...abusing drugs with friends or performing sexual favors for classmates or pedophiles.  Visit our pages on Abuse Survivors Recovery and Addiction Management Recovery to be prepared for the day your child will face these choices.

Concluded at Effects-Divorce-2

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