O.K. there are problems...serious problems with your marriage relationship, but you're not divorced. It isn't too late! Now you're open to all the advice, help and tips you can get to try and rescue you marriage. It's going to be hard work, but no harder than starting over with a stranger. If you're serious and your spouse is at least undecided, this article will lead you to the help you need to save your marriage.
Love And Relationship Books are probably the first resort for people trying to work on their marriage. There are countless titles to sift through, but a lot of practical advice. Let me recommend "The Five Love Languages" by Chapman to help your communication in a major way. Also, "Personality Plus" by Littauer can help you understand each other's natural differences. There are also professional counselors, but make sure yours has a success strategy, rather than just listening. After all, they are paid by the hour. Another source for interactive advice to help save your marriage is a marriage problems help forum, where you can discuss your particular issues anonymously and get advice. The only drawback is, you have to filter through the well-meaning bad advice to get to the good. The various books, counselors and forums can only take you where you want to go. After we spent a lot of time on what it would take, one person I tried to help, told he didn't think he wanted to save his marriage. No one can help you want to, but maybe we can spend a little time discussing what you promised to do with your marriage.
What Are Vows? Marriage vows are a promise you make to your spouse, friends, family...even God. It may be your spouse has forgotten them, but isn't that covered under the, "for better or worse" clause? Sometimes, if just one person will actually live as though they meant the vows, the relationship will be saved. Think about your behavior toward your spouse over the last month. How have your actions shown your spouse you honor them, cherish them, love them and stay separate from all others, holding only to them? What do you mean, "What about my spouse?" You're the one reading the article. When they read it, I'll tell them the same thing. Right now, it's up to you! If you'll just put out of your mind every bit of distraction and anger and focus on actually living the vows toward your spouse every day, you may be able to rekindle the love you once had.
Re-Love-Ing: We all start marriage on the
drugs of courtship, literal drugs created by our bodies which create the feeling
of love. They are more powerful than anything you can get on the street or
in a pharmacy, and highly addictive. This is one of the reasons, after the
strain of insult, injury, pain, children and boredom, our spouse no longer
automatically arouses those feelings within us. It's at this point that
some begin talking about falling out of love and seek someone else to fall into
love with, only to repeat the cycle with them. What's very sad about this
is, by the time they realize it, it's too late. Well, it isn't too late
for you. In his CD series, "Courtship After Marriage" Zig Ziglar gives you
multiple actions you can take to get those love drugs pumping again in your
Here's the bottom line for your marriage...at one time your spouse was the most wonderful, most important, most cherished, most understanding person in the entire world...and you were that, for them. What happened then can happen again, if you're willing to discipline yourself to think of them in the same ways, now. Don't allow your mind to dwell on past offenses or current fears. Replace those with the many positive thoughts you had in the past. If you'll do this consistently, over time, you'll find it's easier and easier. You'll discover you're re-loving them all over again, and they're starting to re-love you, too. Then you'll no longer need help to save your marriage.
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