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The Values Driven Family-Living On Purpose

Probably the biggest cause of family problems I've seen in over 15 years of counseling is the lack of values.  It isn't that people don't know what's important, but that those things aren't important enough to drive their decisions and actions.  We're not necessarily talking about religion, but a set of life principles that guide and motivate our actions and those we influence.  Without them, our lives and those of our children will twist and turn with every passing fancy, for good or bad, as if we were living by accident.  This article is a look at how we can use values to add purpose to our lives and drive us and our children toward the greatest opportunity for fulfillment.  

Marriage Driven By Values:

Values start with marriage, the most important relationship in our lives.  This is the foundation of the family.  After divorce and remarriage, one person asked me why the kids didn't treat the new family as they did the old.  It's because it's only half their family!  If you tear out half the foundation of your house, and put a different one underneath, your house will be different and far less stable.  It's the same with a family.  To feel secure, kids need to see a stable, loving marriage relationship in their parents.  If the original marriage is already gone, make double sure the next one is stable.  The more foundations you use, the more unstable your family will be.  All of the serious marriage problems I've seen stem from the absence of this basic's the most important relationship in your life.

Someone who doesn't believe Marriage is that important shouldn't get married.  People were pressuring my fiancé (now married over 20 years) to get a pre-nuptial agreement.  I told her if there was enough doubt that we needed that, we would not get married.  Everyone is tempted or attracted to someone else, but if the marriage is a driving value, they won't go there.  Many people have stressful, demanding jobs, but if marriage is a driving value, then quality time with their spouse isn't negotiable at any price.  The driving value of marriage drives away any temptation to abuse, insult or deceive your spouse in any way.  If we have addictions or family history that tends to compel us in this way, we will get the help before our problem damages the relationship because it's the most important relationship, or it isn't a driving value. 

Concluded at  Values Driven Family-2

Any similarity between this article and the book "The Values-Driven Family" by Marc and Cynthia Carrier ( is coincidental. Values-Driven® is trademarked by Marc Carrier and is used by permission."

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