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entry Jun 13 2008, 04:14 PM
Un-denial Of Addiction:
If you've read this far, it may be you're already past this point. Usually, the first part of denial is denying you have a problem in the first place. The only way we addicts can do this is if we have an ample supply of people around to blame. Parents are usually first on the list, closely followed by boss, spouse, children, the economy, the weather. Some addicts are so good at blaming others that many of the others begin to blame themselves. If you're the spouse of an addict, please look into the issue of codependency, for the sake of your addict and yourself. Once you finally accept that you have a problem, it's time to admit you can't solve it by yourself. If you're at the edge of this point, but still deny that you need help, here's how to prove it to yourself. Look yourself in the eye (it's good to use a mirror for this), and commit to quit for one year. If you find yourself using again in months, weeks, days or hours...you know you need help.

entry Jun 6 2008, 01:49 PM
Part of what makes recovery so hard is the fact that it has to be pursued on purpose, with discipline and determination. When we lived in our addiction, we just mindlessly followed the high, wherever it led. Now that we've begun to see the destructive path we left behind us, it's time for us to begin to find a way not to do that any more. In this article, the first of two, we'll discuss denial, getting help and finally quitting addiction. The second, Getting Away From The Addiction Pit, will be devoted to building a life that keeps us clear of the addiction temptations.

entry May 23 2008, 03:55 PM
Well...the final exam on the journey from having blood in my urine 3 months ago. The results of the CT scan were clear, and so was the sistoscopy. If you want to stop here, having the answer, this will spare you the details. For those curious about what this is like, I'll continue writing.
After undressing from the waist down and covering myself, the nurse applied pain killer. It left a burning sensation that lasted a few minutes. I looked at the instrument to be used. It appeared to be a black tube about the diameter of a milk shake straw around 18" long, with what looked like a microscope eyepiece on one end.
The doctor rushed into the room, shook my hand and said, "Let's get a look at things and send you on your way. The whole procedure will take about two minutes." Then he began putting that tube in, um...me. It had to turn a pretty sharp corner to get into my prostate, at which time he said..."this is the hard part." It was! it was extremely uncomfortable and the natural response is to clamp down with every muscle. I got the idea that the way to make this easier is to force my muscles to relax. There was no pain after it was in, but I could feel the scope moving around in my prostate and bladder...very strange. Then the doctor said, "OK, we're done."
He gave me an antibiotic and told me there might be some pain or light bleeding for the next day or so. I said, "I guess so!" There was a little blood and a whole lot of pain during urination for the next 36 hours. Everything is back to normal.
All in all, the standard price for the blood tests, xrays, medicine, CT scan, four examinations and PPscopy will be somewhere around $ 5-6,000. Our part of the cost will be about $ 2,000 before we hit our deductible ceiling. Given the amount of inconvenience, pain and costs involved, next time I find blood in my urine, I'll wait for a recurrance, fever, extreme pain or blockage before I call the doctor.
You're probably as happy as I am this is the last episode in this journey.


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