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Help if you suspect alcoholism in your marriage, whether you're the alcoholic or the spouse.  Learn the relationship risks and dangers, and what to do about them.

Alcoholism And Marriage

There is nothing that stresses a marriage more than alcoholism.  It isn't an occasional drink we're talking about, here, but a third party to the relationship, with more influence in the alcoholic's life than the spouse.  Alcoholism alters the marriage, often adding violence and risking the lives, careers and health of everyone.  Many marriages and families have survived alcoholism, but, unless recovery is maintained, none thrive.  The children of unrecovered alcoholics learn a warped sense of reality that leaves them unprepared for life.  I know!  As a child of an alcoholic, I spent 20 years addicted to booze, drugs, sex, and cigarettes. 

The Occasional Drink-vs-Alcohol Addiction:  Let's get this part straight.  There are people who can have an occasional drink or two, even a drink or two each day, but are not alcoholics.  Someone who is addicted to drinking will fit one or more of these patterns:  Doesn't stop at 2, Can't quit to fulfill a promise, Will occasionally drink to unconsciousness, Will occasionally binge for days, Will drink at work.  If you suspect you or your spouse may be addicted to alcohol, take this Alcoholism Signs Self-Test

Alcoholic Marriage Relationship:  In a marriage where alcoholism is present, the trouble stems from the fact that there is truly only one thing that takes first priority in an alcoholic's life...getting drunk.  All alcohol addicts, because of their low self-esteem, consider drinking more important than themselves, at least short-term.  Many end up losing family, job, even their lives, before giving up the precious bottle.  If you're married to an alcoholic, you truly aren't married in a real sense.  Your spouse's spouse is the bottle.  No matter what your spouse say, it may take separation or divorce before quitting is even considered. 

Alcoholism And Danger:  As we all know, drinking lowers our inhibitions and impairs judgment.  Someone who would never scream at or strike their spouse or child under normal circumstances, would have no trouble doing so while drunk.  One time over 30 years ago,  I was drunk while camping with friends who didn't like the fact I was playing with (firing) a 22 pistol.  I literally tried to shoot one of my friends who wanted to stop me.  Fortunately, I was too drunk to get the safety off.  Alcoholics are loaded guns just waiting to go off.  They can hop in the car and plow into a crowd of people.  They can pick up their children at school and drive off the road.  My mom passed out on the couch with a cigarette burning and almost bunt our house down.  If  they're normally trustworthy, as she, myself, and my violent father were, even if they truly regret their action upon sober reflection, you can't trust them.  Alcoholics are truly dangerous.   

Alcoholism And Molestation:  One of the biggest dangers with alcoholics, happens after the marriage produces children.  Now, there are little pliable, trusting people around, and the danger level increases.  The lack of inhibition coupled with a temptation many adults face, produces a substantially increased incidence of molestations among alcoholics.  Under normal circumstances, a person can dismiss a thought as sick, and push it out of his mind.  An alcoholic can't do that.  Addiction, itself, is a compulsion to follow through on a thought even though you know it's destructive.  How different is sexual abuse?  Just a different thought!  Drinking makes the inhibitions go away, so, enough thinking about it and it will happen.  If you're an alcoholic reading this, thinking, "I would never do that to my kid," just think back over the things you've already done while drunk that you would never do.  I was drunk for most of 20 years, so I don't have the luxury of denial. 

Increased risk of molestation, danger of violence or accident and lack of a genuine marriage relationship are among the many things that are probably present when you mix alcoholism and marriage.  If you're planning on getting married to someone you think drinks heavily, put it off until they prove they can live a sober life, or at least remain in recovery for a year or more.  If marrying you isn't motivation enough for them to quit, they won't quit after the wedding.  If you're an alcoholic thinking about marriage, put it off for the same reason.  Get help and get recovered.  Make your marriage part of your new life in recovery, not your old life as a slave to a chemical.  If you're already married and you got to this point in the article, you know something needs to change now.  Use this moment to forge an entirely new life, whether you're the alcoholic or the codependent spouse.  You've watched things go downhill for years, now.  If nothing is done to change it, that's how it will continue.  Act now!

Sometimes our marriage or our alcoholism has reached such a problem state, it seems impossible to change.  You need help, but don't know where to turn...that's how you ended up here.  God set this site up and led you here, so you would know He cares about you in your hour of need, and know He will help will help you get through this.  If you want His help, click on God help me.

Get help and advice for alcoholism in your marriage.     

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