Nov 26 2007, 11:36 AM
Hi everybody, can anybody give me some advices,please?
I am crying when my husband keeps spending thousands dollars just for his hobby- comic arts collecting. He is a nice guy who is generous and simple and does not smoke nor drink,except he keeps search online to buy comic arts with huge money. I try to convince him to manage our budget better but it lasts few days or he will offer to make never-end payments . Now I am pregnant and cannot work and his only income is enough for us to survive but he is still in debt with art dealers, and he decided to get mortgage on the house.He plans to make more money to remodel the house and rent it ; however, he spent more on his arts while the house is not done yet.
I love him alot but it hurts me so bad because I am a saver. I try to save every penny for our future and for my baby but he said he is working hard so he deserves to enjoy his hobby. You know, old comic art is priceless because some can make profit while most are not. I really do not know what to do to save my marriage because I can see the gap bewteen us becomes bigger whenever we argue about his hobby.
Nov 26 2007, 04:54 PM
Have you tried to talk to him about it. Explain to him that he needs to save money for the baby. If that doesn't help, try to get some help from relatives. Are you close to any of his relatives? Maybe a sister or brother? Have them help you.
Nov 28 2007, 06:36 AM
Hi Linnet! All addicts lie to themselves and deny they have a problem. Because of this, no one will get through to him with reasoning, pleas or anything. The addict will not face his addiction and try to recover until circumstances prove to him he has an addiction and it is a serious problem. We call this "hitting bottom." Unfortunately, unless you develop other means of support, you have to put up with him until he hits bottom. You might want to go to an al-anon meeting to find out some of the resources for living with an addict. Al-anon is related to alcoholism, but you can learn how to deal with an addict, there.
Nov 28 2007, 09:45 AM
Thank you Virtuoso55 and Glen for your advices,
I try to talk to him and get help from my in-law,but it doesn't help much. He is lying to himself. I think I got to deal with his addiction until " his hitting pot". It sounds so sad! My friends said most of men has a weakness in something, so his comic art addiction is better than alcohol or drug addiction. I think any addiction is harmful to marriage. Is it impossible to change a man?
Nov 29 2007, 06:33 AM
It is impossible to change anyone but yourself. You can raise and control children, but you can't change an adult. All you can do is change yourself, which is why I recommended getting codependency information from Al-anon. Your husband can change himself and God can change him, but not you. As you become the best you, sometimes, your spouse will be motivated to get better, too. You'll either grow with him or beyond him, but you'll grow if you keep on working on you.
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