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lostmom
Hi,

I am new here, so here it is.

I just found out, my son raped my daughter approx. 4 years ago, and has continued to molest her since.
I am having a difficult time dealing with all this. Overwhelmed.
My daughter is fine, and still loves her brother as a brother.
Ages son 15, daughter 13.

Please help.
Glen
I'll bet you're having trouble dealing. What a terrible thing to have happen. It's going to be a hard few years, but you, and they can heal from this. Obviously, both need to have counseling help to get beyond this point in their lives. Equally obvious is the fact they can't be left alone together. I guess I'm just telling you the obvious, so I'll shut up and let others chime in. I'm very sorry this has happened.
HopeInHim
Hi! Sorry it's been so long since you posted, but I'm going to hope this makes it's way to you.
I think that aside from everything that Glen said (wich I agree with him with 100%) you also need to know that you had nothing to do with this happening. I know first hand how moms and dads try to protect from this kind of thing and yet it happens right under your nose from the least expected place. There is nothing you could have done to stop this and probably no way of knowing that this even COULD happen.
That said, I want you to think really hard and see if you can think of something that clicks in your head about someone that copuld have abused your son. Most of the time this doesn't come from nowhere (although it does happen). Usually something happens to them and they pass it on to those around them.
I hope this has been at least a little help.
~~Cheri~~
BeenThere
I am also new (just stumbled upon this posting, registered to write this response) and I hope it gets to you.


For I believe about 7 years I was molested by my older brother. There was never any technical rape (or so I can remember, my childhood up until about 10 is very hazy. But i do believe i would have remembered that), but simulated sex and oral (given by me). Every story is different, and I happen to be adopted (he is not) and the concensis seems to be that he was so angry towards me that it was his way of hurting me. I, personally, don't give a sh-- what his motivations were. I do not blame my parents at all, in fact I didn't tell them until 3 1/2 years ago (I am 26 now). That being said, there will always be a part of any child of abuse that is mad as hell. It isn't your fault, and what is done is done. It isn't her fault either, no matter what the fallout happens to be. Be proud of yourself that she felt she could come to you with this information; it is most likely the hardest thing she will ever have to do. It can be more frightening than the abuse, since there is always a chance that the parent will not believe the child, and even sacrifice that child for the well being of the other. My advice to you is a) keep doing what you are doing, seek help in any avenue possible. Love both of those children, even if you have never imagined forgiving anyone for doing that to your daughter. Your Daughter will see the family breaking up as her fault. By the same token, BELIEVE HER. I cannot stress that enough. I dont know if he is admitting to it or if it has been brought up to him at all, but please, BELIEVE HER. I cannot tell you the pain I feel every time my parents give me the answer that they claim has been advised to them... "I believe it is YOUR truth" --I should probably mention that since I told my parents about this I have not spoken to my brother. no one has confronted him so he has not admitted nor denied it. I have not spent one holiday with my family since this happened, though I remain very close with my parents. I mention this because even though you said she still loves him as a brother (does she even know what that is?) there may be times when she just wants him out. Molestation is about so much more than sex, and in my case I get the same traumatic experiances every time I am around him, through his words, looks and actions. I turn into that scared little girl and he turns into that powerful "man" and gets the same kicks from it. Dont be surprised if she pulls away from you as well. Let her go, but let her know that no matter what happens and how long it takes, you will be there waiting with love.

as I said, every story is different and his motivations and her feelings and reactions will be as well, but I thought hearing it from a different voice may help out. I thank you, also, because writing this actually helped me a bit. If you ever need advice or just someone to listen, I will PM you my email address.
I admire you, and every child should be as lucky to have a mother like you. Keep doing what you're doing, asking questions and reaching out for help, and you cannot go wrong.

Happy Mother's Day, you deserve a day in your honor.
Cinnabon
I just saw this post today too, for the first time. I was sexually abused by my mom's brother. When my mom found out her and my dad where going to press charges, but they agreed if he got treatment they wouldn't. My uncle was living with my grandparents at the time.

The police told my grandma that I would never remember the things I experienced. I think I was in grade 2 or 3 when it all came to an end. What a bunch of bull crap!! Never remember? blink.gif

Don't think for one minute that your daughter is "fine". She needs to get into counceling pronto. She may "appear" fine, but trust me, when she gets a bit older, and starts becoming sexual active, she will have a life time of difficulties to work out. With out help, there is no telling how she will handle it.

I pray that God will give you the wisdom and guidance on how to handle the terrible thing that has happened to you and your family.

My heart breaks for your daughter.

Blessings,

Cinnabon
tambra
QUOTE (lostmom @ Apr 23 2007, 05:32 AM) *
Hi,

I am new here, so here it is.

I just found out, my son raped my daughter approx. 4 years ago, and has continued to molest her since.
I am having a difficult time dealing with all this. Overwhelmed.
My daughter is fine, and still loves her brother as a brother.
Ages son 15, daughter 13.

Please help.

I am new here also.My older son raped my younger son 4yrs ago.It has been a nightmare,from hell.But the first thung to do is get both kids in counseling, and seperate them.I know it is difficult but you can survive. If you believe in God call on him. Know that u are not alone & u are in my prayers. tambra
mymidget
Hi I am new here and I came across this post So I have to ask what did you do I just caught my 12 yr doing things to his 8 yr old brother yes both boys and I dont know what the hell to do
myturnnow
When I read your post I wanted to cry. I am so sorry for what your family has been through. I know you came on this site to find help soooo.... What you need to understand is that once you've been violated by someone you trusted its a horrible thing & horrific, especially when your young.
It might be hard to hear that but you've gotta know that when your trying to help her heal. You are a supportive mother by coming on here to try to help your daughter! Your being her voice. Good for you smile.gif
She may say she loves her brother, & don't get me wrong, you know she loves him but she will @ some point allow herself to deal with her past & what happened to her..she may be 16 or she may be 50! But when she is ready she may not feel so comfortable with her brother. I know its a little different but I was sexually molested by my step dad for 8 yrs & I blocked it out for a few because I couldn't deal with it. So I would act normal around him, but now...I hate the sight of him & I try my hardest not to see him.
Not saying thatll be happen with your children... Im just saying that I'm sure it won't be easy for her...especially since its continued to go on since the rape. I agree with the other replies...you should seperate them as much as possible. Also you all need to go to counselling. A lot of the times the abuser was abused in their past aswell. But that's not true in all cases. But she should really talk to someone about what has hapened to her.
What she's been through is horrible & I'm sure she's suffering inside & if shs not she has probably blocked some of it out. Have yu noticed a change in either children in the last few yrs?
& also, howd you find out what happened? Hope we all have helped you smile.gif stay strong!
myturnnow
When I read your post I wanted to cry. I am so sorry for what your family has been through. I know you came on this site to find help soooo.... What you need to understand is that once you've been violated by someone you trusted its a horrible thing & horrific, especially when your young.
It might be hard to hear that but you've gotta know that when your trying to help her heal. You are a supportive mother by coming on here to try to help your daughter! Your being her voice. Good for you smile.gif
She may say she loves her brother, & don't get me wrong, you know she loves him but she will @ some point allow herself to deal with her past & what happened to her..she may be 16 or she may be 50! But when she is ready she may not feel so comfortable with her brother. I know its a little different but I was sexually molested by my step dad for 8 yrs & I blocked it out for a few because I couldn't deal with it. So I would act normal around him, but now...I hate the sight of him & I try my hardest not to see him.
Not saying thatll be happen with your children... Im just saying that I'm sure it won't be easy for her...especially since its continued to go on since the rape. I agree with the other replies...you should seperate them as much as possible. Also you all need to go to counselling. A lot of the times the abuser was abused in their past aswell. But that's not true in all cases. But she should really talk to someone about what has hapened to her.
What she's been through is horrible & I'm sure she's suffering inside & if shs not she has probably blocked some of it out. Have yu noticed a change in either children in the last few yrs?
& also, howd you find out what happened? Hope we all have helped you smile.gif stay strong!
STEPHCOM
Hello all. Brand new here and JUSt came across this while I was using a search engine to try to find help for my daughter. When she was aged 5, she was inappropriately touched by her older half brother who was 8 at the time. I went through the motions, lashed out at the boy's mother (told her if I caught her OR her son anywhere NEAR my property, she would be trespassing and I would use the state's castle law to it's full benefits), contacted the police (who said since he was under 12, they could do nothing), and then the state Human Resources division. The most they did was offer counseling for my daughter, but nothing was EVER done TO/FOR the boy.

Here we are 4 years later, and my daughter (despite counseling) has had another relapse from her recovery. She is entering puberty (yes, I know that's early, but it's true) and curious about her body. However, this curiousity is compounded by what happened 4 years ago. So, back to counseling we go.

The fact that nothing has happened FOR/TO the boy also upsets my daughter and makes it more difficult for her to believe it was not her fault. Why is she suffering, she asks. Why must she go see these people, she asks. Why can't HE have to go see these people, she asks. I don't have the answers.

As for you (the origin of this thread), I feel for you. I know that many of us mothers are confused as what to do...knowing choosing between these children and realizing they ARE just children compounds the problem and issue.

I don't think that there is a specific list of things to do in these situations. Perhaps stiffer laws requiring parents of these offenders, families as well as victims, and anyone involved to attend counseling. Do not ignore your own emotions in this. I would suggest counseling not only for your daughter, but for you and your son in this case. I would endeavor to attend/locate support groups for each of you. Your son is old enough to be tried in juvenile court, but that decision needs to be left to your daughter with your guidance. Does she want him to 'go away'? Do you think she would heal more easily if he went away? You can't ignore your son, either. Has something happened to him to cause him to have these impulses? Does HE think he needs help? Would he want an outpatient type thing? Perhaps letting him do some research on sexual abuse (with your guidance) could shed some light on what he did and why it was wrong. I don't know. Your kids are older, so I think there are more options. I will pray for you. If you have your faith, perhaps your church/synagogue/house of worship can help, too?
alwaystrying22
Hi im new here, I just found this page when I googled sibbling rape. Last night on the phone me and my girlfriend were talking and I asked her to tell me the truth about being raped. She had suppressed it in the past, and she explained to me that when she was 4 or 5, (she has a lot of shaded memory about it)her older brother who was 12 or so at the time used to make her perform oral sex and masturbate him, she explained that she didnt know what was happening at the time only being that young, im totally lost and dont know how to respond to this or any actions I should see fit... Please help me out here, before I knew this it seemed like they had a pretty normal relationship, they're half brother and sister, but seem to get along.
shockedmum
Im new here, please can someone help me?
I just read this post after finding out the same thing as this lady, my daughter is 13 i noticed a mark on her wrist and i asked her to show me her arm, she has cut marks all the way up her arm. We talked and she said she was having flashbacks of something that happened 4 years ago, she said she wished she could wipe out the year it happened because its when me and her dad split and that her brother raped her, hes 20 now she says hes never done it again, i asked her to tell me what happened and she says she cant remember but he raped her, she can only remember going into his room, i asked her loads of questions and told her i loved her, it just doesnt make sense........her brother moved out when me and their dad split to give me and his sisters more room, hes lived with my parents ever since. He had a hard time over the divorce but hes ok now he has a girlfriend he loves and is doing good at college......my world has imploded i love them both i just dont know what to do.......
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