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Hi, It's me Shy. Sorry I haven't really on this site in a while. It's kind of hard for me to get to a computer these days. I read all of the replys to my post. I just wanna thank those who were trying to help me. I'm doing all I can do to make me better right now. I'm still in school. I missed about a week of school because things were getting hard and when I read the post I decided to go back. It's hard here and there for me. I'm being faced with a lot of obstacles. I'm afraid of people I don't know and every class I go to makes it just that much harded to cope. I'm talking to this guy now. He's really nice. I don't understand why I like him. He makes fun of me but in a good way. He just always asks me why I'm so anti-social and why do I act the way I do. I fear that if I tell him the reason I act the way I do he'll stop talking to me and I don't want to. I just tell him I'm shy and that I don't know why I act the way I do.I don't talk a lot to him but when he smiles at me it makes my day a little better.

The week I was out of school I made my first attempt of suicide. I took a lot of pills but I did it in the kitchen and then I kind of passed out. I woke up in a hospital bed alive. I was mad all over again. I don't know if I'll attempt it again, but because it didn't hurt it makes me want to go for it one more time. I guess I'm not that afraid of death after all. I need help again. Suicide is becoming a option for me and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I think I might succeed in dying if i do it again. It's not like I want to die but theres another part of me that does. When my mon yells at me or when I feel like people around me are judging me it doesn't become a problem for me to want to die. I don't want to die. I'm confused.

I can say writing these posts have made me feel better. It relieves a lot of my tension. i feel like there someone who wants to listen to me. it feels good, but like i said i can't get to a computer all the time. So when I do get to one and I come on this site I feel good because I feel like it's not going to be that bad. I need to tell people about my problem so I can get through the week. Thanks everybody.
Hi Shy! You just keep on writing! You're the reason we put this site up here. We'll be here no matter what you want to write matter what's bothering you. I'm glad there's a young man you're interested in. Take it slow and easy. You don't have to tell him anything until you're ready and you know him well enough you can trust his reaction. If he's right for you, that won't be a problem for him. Hang in there, girl. I look forward to your next post.
Hello Shy,
Im glad to hear from you, and its understandable about the computer thing. Its just good to have a safe place to come to vent and be with Friends who share the same problems.
I agree with Glen, about your boyfriend.
Shy, it sounds like your letting this loser take something from you again, (your life). God has plans for you. Your a Survivior who can help others who were/are molested.
Looking forward for another chat with you. smile.gif
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