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Full Version: Abuse Seems To Be Affecting Me More Than It Ever Has
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I was molested by my father between the ages of 3 and 5. Thanks to the support of my mother I dealt fairly well growing up and have realized throughout the years that it was not my fault and I shold not be ashamed. However, I am now a married woman and mother now and find that the abuse is affecting my life more greatly now than it ever did before. I find it nearly impossible to be intimate with my husband and with my child nearing preschool age, I find that I have an incredible amount of anxiety over things that should be normal. The idea of sending her on a school bus sends me into a panic attack. I have a hard time even trusting my husband so the idea of letting some stranger take her anywhere is unfathomable to me. My husband is hurting because he does not understand how all the sudden I am completely uninterested in sex and my mother is very upset that I would hold my daughter back from normal life experiences because of my fears and has gone as far as insinuating that I am lazy as a parent. My father is no longer in my life and I tried therapy but was told to have sympathy for him, that the real blame lay with my mother which to me is incredibly ridiculous. I feel like by having this fear that I am allowing my father to still control me and I dont want that to be the case but have no idea how to stop it. I feel like a horrible wife and mother. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
It's heartbreaking to hear that you experienced this abuse at such a young age. It's clear that challenges like you've described can leave long-lasting scars that remain through adulthood. I can see how these experiences would impact the way you parent and bring out your desire to protect your daughter. Please know that these struggles do not make you a horrible wife or mother.

It took courage for you to share your emotions and ask for advice. It might be helpful to take a look at the book The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse by Dan Allender which I came across in my time with Focus on the Family. I know you mentioned you have tried therapy in the past, but if you ever think it might be helpful, Focus also has counselors you can talk with over the phone (at no cost to you) by calling from 6:00 A.M. to 8:00 P.M. (MT) Monday through Friday at 1-855-771-HELP (4357).

I hope these options help. In the meantime, I'll be praying for you, asking God to bring His grace and peace into your life.
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