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ericaandadam08
I don't really know if this would be considered a finance problem but it deals with money so thought i would ask for some help. My 28 year old brother is currently staying in me and my husbands mother in law suite above our garage. He has resided their for 22 months. When he first moved in we made a verbal agreement that he would pay us $300 a month to live their. The suite needed some finishing so we also agreed that if he did work to the place that we would not collect rent from him that month. The problem I am having now is that he has not paid us any money in the last year or so. It is causing so much strain on my marriage because if it were up to my husband my brother would be kicked out but I am still holding on to the idea that he will pay us so I have not taken any other action. My brother is also the only family I have here and I am not to close to my in laws . My brother is constantly going out and drinking and partying and its been on our expense. Our utilities have doubled since he has lived with us and we have already forced out some money fixing the AC unit. It is causing us money for his stay and I just don't know what to do. I have tried to talk to my brother but that got me no where and now he is avoiding us. I just need some advice on how to handle the situation without ruining my relationship with my brother. We also have a 9month old son and we can no longer continue wasting our money on a place that is vacant half the time since my brother is always going out. I feel that he is taking advantage of us because we are family and the work he has done to the place has not been up to par and will have to be fixed whenever he does move out. He has also done some damage to the place and uses my husbands tools without asking and mistreats them. Please help!!! I will take any suggestions at this point because i am lost. Thank you for taking your time to help me out.
Moonglow
What to you defines a ruined relationship with your brother? We already know your current relationship with him is harming your life, causing stress in the people you care about and thus harming their lives as well. We know that it’s hurting your relationship and taking money out of your pocket which quite honestly needs to be better spent on other things. He dosn't listen to you or care about you, show you respect or consideration. So moving on his relationship with you is harmful that’s obvious and you don't consider that to mean the relationship is ruined. So now what defines a ruined relationship? I'm not be sarcastic btw I'm making a point that harming someone does not ruin a relationship in reality nor by your definition either. So now you only have to figure out what defines a "ruined" relationship. You can harm somebody without ruining a relationship, you can be disprectful of someone and not ruin a relationship, you can cause stress(such as throwing him out would cause and as you and the people you care about have been experiencing) without ruining a relationship... so what ruins a relationship?

To me what defines a ruined relationship is one where you close off where you absolutely refuse to have anything to do with someone. That’s a ruined relationship. So just remain open like "“hey if you pay us and have respect for us(like not damaging the apartment) you can stay."” Or something similar to that. You don’t have to shove him out of your life entirely. But you “"should"” shove the harmful things "“from"” him out of your life. Him living "“off"” of you is one such harmful thing. Note how I specify that you shove the harmful things "“from"” him out of your life and not in fact shove him out or close off to him. That is how you keep from ruining a relationship however what he does from that point on his side of it is his choice not yours. So the choice is yours. My advice is be firm and set out a time he has to start paying and behaving by or he’s thrown out and stick to it not a day sooner or later than the one you specify. A month is generous and it’s a nice number that’s respectful to him and to yourself. The 12 you’ve given him is well as you said you’re being taken advantage of. I have nothing against helping family in times of need but this has gone way past that point of “help”. He’s abusing the situation and you.
Peter01
Its good that you shared you problem with us and you need to analyse you expenses as well.
episkopos
Hi ericandadam08,
I just read your post from last year and was wondering what has happened to your brother-in-law since then. Is he still staying with you?
movinggreen
thanks for posts.
movinggreen
thanks
spearson1937
If a family member owes you money, I guess everyone finds it difficult to tell a relative to pay the debt compare to someone who is not related to you. Relationships can be ruined because of this, if your brother is considerate he should know that he is already causing you stress and strain in your husband-wife relationship.
kaufenpreis
Your information is very good. Please ame info.
nadialeigh
If you can't able to talk him directly, Take help of an elder person of family. It could be Uncle or neighbors!
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