I originally posted this in the wrong topic section, so my apologies for this. I need some advice regarding an emotionally-abusive, bullying step-father and a sick mother. I am the 54 yr. old daughter of parents in their 70's.
The current situation is that my mother broke her hip and went into the hospital. My step-father did not want to tell me that this happened or where she was. I finally got it out of him by threatening to file a missing person's report when she seemed to be missing for a week. I figured out on my own which hospital she was in as he refused to tell me. He is insisting that she does not want to talk to me or have me visit despite my mom and I having a good relationship. I also have a 34 yr. old adopted brother and they did not tell him either. When I simply inquired about her well-being and condition, my step-father yelled at me that I should just mind my own business and permit her the privacy she wants. He refused to tell either my brother or me where she was. I believe that he is extremely freaked out by her injury and is trying to console himself by attempting to control the situation. He believes that if my brother or I get involved in her care, we will argue with him and stress them out. Everyone that I have consulted: nurses, psychologists, friends, have said this is the strangest family behavior they have ever heard of; that most elderly parents would want the love and help of their adult children. My dilemma is this...do I permit my step-father to keep controlling the situation and keep my mother's illness and whereabouts hidden or do I violate their privacy as he puts it and intervene against his wishes. He was furious that I even told my brother about it; said I was being meddling and disrespectful trying to fish for information. This whole situation makes little sense to me. I am not certain whether to call the nursing home to attempt to leave my mother a message or to just leave it alone as my step-father demands. I find it difficult to just let it go as I care deeply about her. He says I'm being selfish. That she is better off without family contact or interference from her kids and insists she only needs him right now. She has a phone by her bed but I think he is bullying her into not calling us kids either. Has anyone else ever had parents like this? Is my need to know if my mother is ok, selfish and meddling as he claims? I will probably get myself disowned by him for going against his wishes, which I really don't care about. I feel that my concern is just being a good daughter. Please, any advice dealing with emotionally disturbed parents or a controlling father is most welcome.