Jul 19 2011, 11:16 AM
I am 49 yrs. old I was sexually abused as a child for many years by my step grandfather, my grandmother thinks very very highly of this deceased man. I have never told my grandmother of these encounters. I have told other family members though, my father, my mother, and my aunt. I come from a very "dysfunmctional family'" and my grandmother has ALWAYS been the one I stayed in touch with and have continued to call over the years I love her dearly!!!! SHe has always been one to bring up the past but here lately she cannot leave the fact alone that my stepgrandfather bought me a car 32 yrs. ago and did nothing for other grandchildren. When she speaks of this event it is very angrily and I believe she is angry at me. I believe this because of the speakings of the car event but other actions too. It is totally ripping me up on the inside!!! I really wonder if I should inform her of why my stepgrandfather purchased the car for me. I honestly believe that hurting someone else to make you feel better is not an answer, at the same time I don't like the fact that she is angry at me for his actons that I had no control over. I hung up on her last time I spoke with her something I have never done beforeI have asked her to let the car situation go that I really didn't care to hear it anymore. It did not help at all. Ontop of all this I was reading the symptoms of child abuse and wow I can really identify with a lot of my actions now which also made me very much a black sheep. would like her to understand why I behaved the way I did too!!!!
Jul 24 2011, 01:05 AM
I suggest the next time it comes up taking a few deep breaths to calm yourself until you don’t feel the need to run and then just face the problem. If she seem’s angry at you then ask her if she is. Clarify feelings and intentions talk about feelings. Such as the pain you feel or the anger or the stress and chaos you’re in whatever seems appropriate. Her feelings behind why she keeps bringing it up as well. In other words have a mature mutually nurturing conversation. If she is incapable of that then I suggest trying again to ask her to drop the topic and to “please respect me”. If that fails you can’t control the way she acts nor force her to respect her. Telling her what happened won’t necessarily change the way she treats you at least not to the way you desire it. You can tell her though albeit I suggest having a point to the conversation like reaching out for her support/compassion. If you just tell her in a fit of anger you’ll simply be destroying with your words rather than creating but if you tell her with the desire and focus of reaching out for support/compassion then you’ll be creating something positive.