May 23 2011, 10:48 PM
So im 21, but around the time i was in 2nd grade my old neighbor (dude was in high or college i dont remember) and I would do light sexual stuff. Nothing intense and no skin on skin, but there was stuff done that a kid shouldn't do. At the time I didn't really know what was right or wrong so I just thought it was fine. This went on for about a year. I remember teaching a friend one of the things we did and thinking it was a game. I have never told anyone what happen and I honestly don't plan to. But lately I think about it, not all the time but it does pop into my mind.
Now my question, is this something that should affect me? I mean i look at other people's problems and they actually get raped, and for long periods of time while I feel with mine problem, im just making it to be more then it is. Also the last thing i want is this to become an excuse for a problem I have. So in conclusion, is it possible that this is affecting me in some way?
Thanks for reading.
May 28 2011, 01:45 PM
Hello! I totally understand what you are saying... I think whatever the situation it is still abuse. This person taught you to do these things, otherwise you wouldn't have done it.
The biggest thing to learn I'd that its not your fault. I think that if you think about it & it has affected your life then yes you should be affected by it. If that makes sense...
I was sexually abused by my step dad for 8 yrs but when I read someone elses story where they were abused & raped for 20 yrs & @ such a young age, it makes me feel like "should I be concerned bout my abuse when someone suffered for
So long". It is always helpful to go to counselling/therapist. I really liked mine & she really helped me with my anger & emotions. It just might help you figure out if it does affect you in some way. Hope everything goes alright. Stay strong
May 28 2011, 08:37 PM
When you're never any different than you currently are then everything is identified as "normal". Including the problems created by sexual abuse. This has affected you I assure you. People can go and say stuff dosn't bother them but you know what that means? They're in denial and are lying to themselves. No one is invulnerable and kids, as you were, are especially vulnerable.
All my life my parents were never that good for me. When I was 15 I tried to talk to them and ask them for help because I was suicidal. And you know they didn't know what to say and they never figured it out so they never said anything and were just like "Well moving onto more important things". I saw that as normal. But I grew up. I had experiences that revealed a hell of a lot of problems. And I tried to learn as much as I could. That particular instance was emotional abandonment. Your particular instance was sexual abuse. It damaged boundaries which damages intimacy, communication, relationships, friendships. And it's almost guaranteed to damage a myriad of other things but it depends on the instance and how it affected you per what else it damaged. But it does damage boundaries that's something you can deny but can't get away from. The simple fact you ended up sexually abusing your friend is evident that boundaries were damaged.
You don't have to get raped to have a problem and you don't have to be incapable of functioning in society. Being unhappy is a problem, little inabilities to function like an inability to control emotion is a problem, an inability to trust is a problem, an inability to empathize is a problem. There are lots of different problems. Sometimes when people are unable to regulate they go to extremes and can only see or consider the extreme problems as being problems. I mean it's a sort of all of nothing which is wrong because there are many many different levels of problems. So for yourself don't go to extremes, regulate, I imagine this wasn't bad enough to severely harm your ability to function in life or take care of yourself. But even though it dosn't go to that extreme try and regulate. Identify problems in your life and then try and see if they come from the sexual abuse. But don't incessantly look for problems that aren't there the extreme problems that can be common from sexual abuse. By all means try and see if a problem is there but be willing to admit that it dosn't "have" to be there and even if it isn't other problems do exist and you were still sexually abused. I was unable to regulate too and so because my parents didn't physically abandon me I thought they were pretty good. I seen the above instance I recounted as normal. Normal to tell someone that's suicidal that their life dosn't matter and that you don't care. But now I couldn't even try and consider that to be normal thing for parents to do because I'm better able to regulate. It no longer has to be the extreme of bloodied physical abuse to be abuse for me. I mean I was physically abused and there have been nights that I have cried myself to sleep but certainly never to the extreme that some people are when they end up in the hospital.
Anyway you say you don't want to talk about it. Alright. So long as you're not hurting other people there's no one to force you to address this problem. But think about yourself for a moment and what you, deeper down, are really telling yourself. The reason the sexual abuse is on your mind at all is because it's bothering you, it's affected you, and deep down your beginning to realize it and or already know it. You're just having a hard time getting out of denial. We tell alot of things to ourselves we just don't usually listen. So if your capable of listening to yourself then I suggest you take a few moments and do that. It pops into your head, why do you think that is?
May 29 2011, 10:30 PM
Thank you both for your responses, and sharing your experiences.
I been keeping this locked inside me and it feels better that at-least 2 other people know.
Hopefully, your responses helps me to seek an answer whether its therapy or just looking deeper within myself, because
it now seems obviously that it has affected me.
So once again I can't thank you both enough.
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