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Full Version: Is There A Chance I Can Heal And Change?
Family Forums > Family Life And Health Forums > Abuse Recovery Help
First off I'd like to say hi I'm new here, also I am a rape victim and finally am trying to talk about it so I can heal. I was raped by my stepgrandfather from the time I was 9 to 13, he raped me, my sister, and my two cousins. When I told my school the police and my parents got involved I had to go testify against him but it never made it to court. He walked because my one cousin was too stubborn to talk and the other was asleep when it happen so it was just my sister and I, and apparently 50% isn't enough let alone a confession so he got away Scott clean. The problem is now I've never really talked about it at least not in detail of what happened, and I'm slowly starting to realize that this is causing issues in my life and with my boyfriend and I I never noticed before till he told me to talk to someone. But I don't know to who or how I've never really talked about it and I blocked it away. I've also come to realize I'm a sex addict and an attention addict (but not the way you think) I long for physical attention hugs, kisses, etc. So now my question is now that I know I have these problems what do I do now. How do I save my relationship with a man I love from the ghost of my past? Please someone help me.
You save your relationship by first trying to express your feelings to your boyfriend. The feelings, if you feel them, that you really like him and want to make a future with him. That your scared, hurting, and lost without not really knowing what to do to help yourself. You admit you know you have problems and profess your earnest desire to change even though you don't know how but you express your desire to learn. And you ask him to be there for you and profess your thanks for his support. The rest is up to him. From there the best option is professional therapy. Start working through everything that happened and the current damaging effects it's having on your feelings, ability to feel, life skills and especially relationship skills. Problems such as the ones you have identified. Why is the effect there? What are the feelings/thoughts behind it? What are the feelings towards the incident and alot of things in your life. Explore feelings deeper to get at the core ones then identify sources, diffuse sources, change them, and start promoting different feelings in yourself. A similar process applies for behaviors or getting to the core reason for the behavior, diffusing it, and changing it to start promoting better behaviors and resisting this one. Dealing with any attractions or connections you have to undesired behaviors. So alot of it is on you; where would you like to start? Just pick the most damaging thing to your life or relationship and start there. There's no magic solution to make it all disappear. No magic solution to fix every problem as every problem requires exploration and a different and unique solution. Just take it a step at a time and start moving forward.

If you feel like it's too early to start addressing your problems then just began exploring them by talking about it all. With your boyfriend, a therapist, on here, or with yourself. Just get that exploration going to bring out feelings and thoughts. And to bring it all into perspective. So please, if it would help feel free to talk about whatever is on your mind. smile.gif
Thank you moonglow for your response it is very useful. Yes I have agknowledged that I have a problem and need help. I've been talking to my boyfriend and it has been helping some and I feel as if we are getting closer but the more he learns about my past and how it has affected my past relationships (cheating for the physical attention, and always feeling empty and needing to fill the void) he doesn't like it, of course but he's still with me and supporting me he really is a good guy and I'm glad I have him in my life, I can't let our relationship get messed up because I can't fill the void so I'm trying to keep a healthy happy attitude cause I've noticed I only do wrong when I think negitive thoughts. I would like to try speaking to a therapist, and have been searching online for one in my area but I can't find one in my area but best of luck I hope thank you for your help and I will keep posting to help too
of course chances are just waiting for you in the corner. just a suggestion try to look for a help who can help you and tell you what to do. i hope everything went well
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