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Eeyore
Over a year ago I told my Mum that my Step-Dad had sexually abused me when I was younger, at about the age of 11. She doesn't believe me and fully supports my Step-Dad. My Mum thinks I have something called 'False memory syndrome'. I had kept it from my Mum for over 10 years about the abuse. I had only ever told two friends about the abuse. One friend when I was about the age of 14/15 years and another friend when I was about 19/20 years. I was having Christian counselling for about 2 years... I have suffered from depression on and off and I have always found life difficult. Never able to be completely happy, due to pressure of having this secret. Eventually I revealed to the counsellor about the sexual abuse and they advised that it would be good for me to tell my Mum in the hope that once the secret was out there, I would be able to come to terms with it. My Mum was told (long story) but has been convinced by my Step-Dad about the false memory syndrome. She doesn't believe me because I can't give exact dates of the abuse or the exact year. I can give details of what happened, but that’s not enough. Mum says we will have to agree to disagree about it and she wants me to talk to my Step-Dad about it, but my Step-Dad can be manipulative when he wants to be and can talk people around just about anything. There is so much more to it I could go into all the history but to be honest, I am not sure that it is of interest or going to help me now. At present I am living with my Mum, Step-Dad, two brothers and my boyfriend (I was not living at home for over a year and circumstances didn’t give me much choice but to return home). Will my Mum ever believe me? Or are we going to have to ‘agree to disagree’. Will my Dad ever admit it to it? Is there anyway I can prove to my Mum that he did it. I have recently come of out of depression and really don’t want to end up back in it. Is there anybody else who has been accused of having ‘false memory syndrome’? Right now, I wish I had never told my Mum and just kept it all to myself. Thank you for reading, it helps to write things down.
Moonglow
Naming dates and years? I'm laughing hysterically right now actually, it's insane how ridiculous it is to expect a kid especially an abused one to remember that. Alot of abused people, myself included, can't remember vast majorities of their childhood or the abuse. Not everyone blocks it out but a vast majority do. I have only flashes of anything before about 11. I don't even know when exactly I started remembering things little own the times of the abuse. Just like you I have to use the "about" word and guess. I can guess pretty well using deductive reasoning. My family moved around alot so when I have a flash in a different setting I know it's for a different year and can roughly guess which one based on their information which one we lived in that location.

To answer your questions though. Will your mom ever believe you? That's up to her, she might and she might not it all depends on whether or not she "grows up" for lack of a better phrase. And develops her abilities to trust and repsect you. Are you going to have to agree to disagree? No you don't have to. Your right, she's wrong. Nothing more you can do there so move onto the next step of recovery. The whole point the counsellor wanted you to share it is because it was a secret and you had to get it out. Your healing, recovery,.process was stalled because of keeping it a secret. So the point wasn't to get your mom on your side it was to get you out of the rut your healing processes were in. Don't let them get stalled again. You're right, she's wrong, move onto the next healing step. Develop confidence, independence, trust for yourself. Process what happened through the effects it's had. Confidence and trust are a large part of that from the emotional standpoint. There are lots of emotional damage that can result, behavioral problems etc. The base principle is that whatever is wrong set about repairing it, healing, from the damage of the past. Start seeing a therapist, be really open about the abuse to them and yourself. That's the only way to find the damage it's created and begin repairing it. Until you do fully open up about it you'll always be held back by yourself. One example of something you should do to move on is identify why you were reaching out to your mom. I imagine it was to help overall heal the pain to support you and to basically open up the healing path. Since reaching out to her failed move on. Find something else that opens up the healing path for you. That encourages you to go down it, that supports you and makes it easier to face everything. Try your boyfriend. If he dosn't want to support you through this he's not right for you. So if he fails yet again find something else, yourself for example. Just keep paying attention to your feelings, your life and keep striving for a better one. Don't let your recover get stalled again.

Will your dad ever admit it? That's up to him. If he's manipulative though as you say I highly doubt it, even if he wasn't I still highly doubt it so I would have to say no. Is there anything you can do to prove to your mom that he did it? No there isn't. The only things you can prove are the things you experience yourself with your own senses. Everything else is just faith and trust. She dosn't have faith in you or trust you, alright, you can't force her to change so again move onto the next step of your recovery. You can ask her to have trust and faith in you but you can't force her to have it. So let yourself move on in your recovery. Don't let "her" denial stop you.

I understand why you wish you'd never told your mom. It's alot easier to carry everything rather than reach out to someone and then get backstabbed then forced to carry even more. Believe me I understand first hand that that sucks. I regretted telling my parents I was suicidal for a long time. I felt stupid for ever thinking that they might help. I felt stupid that I needed help and I felt pathetic because I was suicidal. But you know it dosn't matter what you wish you'd done. You told her. So you did the right thing and even though it did end up hurting you more it's alright. Any step forward is a positive step whether it hurts or not because to not take those steps is to stall your healing. To stall your life basically. Telling her was a step forward, an attempt to live your life and stay out of depression, so don't worry about it like I said just move onto the next step. Keep taking those steps to improve your life and don't get hung up on the ones that don't quite work out as you had planned or that hurt. Don't regret them. Don't regret living your life and striving for a better one. Or you'll just end up falling back into depression again. So start addressing what you need to develop like confidence or trust for yourself, pride, respect for yourself etc. And start addressing what you need to do to improve your life. Those two things work well with processing the past. Don't start interpersonal conflict with all the drama surrounding your mom believing you have "false memory syndrome". Just accept she's wrong, set that negative aside as there's nothing you can do about it, and keep moving forward. And if you can't then why is that? Address what's holding you back.
myturnnow
Hello, I am somewhat in a similar situation as you... I was also abused by my step dad & my also doesn't believe me. Its such a terrible feeling when your mom, of all people, doesn't believe you.
My step dad abused me for 8 yrs, & when I brought it up to my mom a few times she didn't believe me...then she just told me not to talk bout it every again. I blocked it out for years, when I was 21 I decided it was time for me to be happy & figure out what hppened.
So I sat down with my mom & step dad & told them. He did admit to what he did but blamed it on me & said it was my fault. Bu she sat there & heard him say it but she still denies it because "our stories don't match". So after I went to my counsellor for a few yrs, I realzied she was right
I needed to cut off my mom. It was the hardest thing I had to do. I talked to my mom on a regular basis (never about what happened of course).
That's where we differ, but still my mom doesn't believe me. I have chosen to not talk to her. I've told her that the only time I will talk to her is if she goes get proper help & to tell me she beleives me & that she's sorry.
I think she's making up excuses to not believe you. Its hard because you live with them too but it was the best decision I had ever made. But I got married & moved out so it was easier.
I thik you should definately go get help so you can talk to someone who is not your mom. I hope this helped...stay strong smile.gif
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