Mar 11 2011, 07:18 AM
My son who is 10 was sexually abused by a Retired Dr. over the summer. I can't believe all the changes this has had on him.He kept getting suspended from school and is now in an alternative school which he has been suspended from twice now,his vocabulary is nothing but curse words,he explodes very easily and this is to name just a few.We ended up having to put him in a behavioral hospital for 9 days and was the hardest thing I think I have ever had to do as a parent.I just found out yesterday that this man will more than likely not go to jail because his family moved him into an assited living home and he also supposedly has alzheimers.This makes me very angry that he will not go to jail for committing this crime. My son will never ever be the same. He is already asking me if this means he is or will be gay.This just breaks my heart.Everyday around this house is a challenge because of all the stress this has caused.Evceryday is a constant reminder because when I look out my kitchen window there is this mans house and I can feel the anger building up.I know this is something my son will have to live with for the rest of his life and this is just not fair that justice won't be done.I haven't had the nerve to tell my son yet that he is not going to jail in fear of how he is going to react but I must at sometime break the news to him(any pointers).
Mar 13 2011, 07:22 PM
My pointer would be stop adding drama and creating stress. If your son wants to know or has a desire to know then tell him but why make it a drama/stress filled situation? Your son learns responses, mainly, from you. How you respond to the news, and you have obviously responded badly, is going to effect how he responds. If you want his responses to be calmer then teach him that. Teach him how to explore his feelings by helping him do it, acknowledging his feelings and then helping him work through them. You obviously have unprocessed feelings about this situation as well; leaving them unprocessed only hurts you and your son.
If your living right next to his house I'd suggest moving. It's not exactly healthy for your son to grow up in that environment. I understand that helping your son might be the hardest thing you've ever had to do as a parent but 9 days in a behavioral hospital is a little "under" what I would personally aim for. Nor is it a method I would choose first. How about a few years of therapy and counselling? How about a lifetime of a healthy, positive, caring, relaxed(non-stressful), encouraging, supportive and healing environment for him to live in? You say "my son will never ever be the same" and "my son will have to live with this for the rest of his life" like he's been scarred and screwed for life. If that's what you really mean why have you already given up on him? People learn and adapt and among people children are the best at that! Your son just needs help to do it. Help from professional therapists. Help from his parents. He's a kid he can't be expected to deal with what happened to him and emerge stronger for it but he can with help and guidance. Professional help.
Per your other post spanking and washing his mouth out with soap for cursing. From the way you wrote it the uncontrolled swearing began after the abuse so I find your response to it rather concerning. If it did indeed start after the sexual abuse or during then it's a surface expression of a problem and the actions your taking would be an attempt to force your son to bury the problem. I wouldn't personally recommend that. I know first hand that burying problems will destroy your son's life but your choice. The best thing for him is to try to discover the underlying problem and help him deal with it; the same applies to his school problems and anger. Again I would really suggest alot of professional therapy and counselling. Judging from the changes you listed there's a very good chance the sexual abuse has traumatized him in some form and it has definently altered his processes for dealing with life, emotions, etc. A really good and experienced therapist is the best thing for him. Just keep searching for one until you can find one who can understand him and help him. That and a healthy, positive, caring, relaxed, encouraging, supportive and healing environment for him to live in are the best things for him. So please for his sake try and choose to help him deal with all the abuse.