I am new but I owuld like to share my story. I feel it is a unique one but I strongly hope it is not. I am 35 years old and a wife and mother of 4 boys.
When I was 10 my father molested me on several occations for the most part drunk occations. This went on for close to a year. I was afraid to tell my mother who just gave birth to my baby sister. I always packed my bags each night it happend as if I was going to run away. My aunt moved in our home and she loved my father as a brother. They were very close. In a druken stupor he did not close the door one night and she saw him. She got her gun and told he to get off of me. She later told me she was afraid to shoot him for fear of hurting me even more. She did not tell my mother but later told me she confronted my mother on sevarl occations conerning the fact the my father often slept in my room with the door closed. My mother would never acknoledge anything was wrong. I told my mother and she acted like it was news to her. I think more so because she knew my other family members would find out. I remember vague images of the police department and hospital. My father left town. My mom was very sad and said I broke up our family. I woke up one morning and my father was back, walking aorund as if nothing happened and told me my mother said I lied. So I did feel powerless. My father lived in our home secretly and when family members came over he hide in the bedroom. The abuse continued for another year until another aunt found out he had moved back in with us. My father again left town and would periodically visit and at times live in the same city where he would rent a roon boarding house. My mom had 2 more kids by him. We spent the night over his place and I remember my mom sleeping in between us and at times he would touch me and my mom would say "----- shes sleeping". Eventually my father left town again the longest ever I guess because he was incareserated in Ohio. He worte to my mother when I was 24. Asking her for money which she sent him from her ADC check. My sisters were all teens. She always told them how great he was. And how it was a great time living with him. I told my sister what happened and why I was not happy that they commnuicated. Of course once he was released he did not cintact her again. My mother was upset but never appraoched me about it. My mother has always treated me different has always been mean to my children. I guess I was a necarasssy evil for her because if she needed something or the girls needed to go to the doctor or school she would always depend on me. I am so angry at my mother. I later contacted my father (while in prison again) when I was in councelling and he simplytold me dont blem him for my trounbles and he has been through counseling for any damges he did to my life and to basically get over it. I never contacted him again. No one wants to talk about it(family members). No one ever approached me about talking about it. I never volunteered to talk only the one time with my sisters. I am tired of trying to get my mother to love me. Now that I show my anger concerning it my mom is trying to turn my sisters gainst me and plays the victim if that is possible. We are all estranged at this point. One of my sisters feels like should get over it and why have I not acted angry all these years? Another one trys to stay out of it. The youngest is torn. Ive told them the mother you know is not the mother I had and sh does not ackowledge that she did a great injustice to me. So I am force to believe
maybe she isnt sorry.