My boyfriend and i have been together now for almost two years and i know he does his best not to do anything that will remind me of my grandpa but sometimes he does things and i think about it. Or we'll be watching tv and something on it will remind me and idk how to tell him i dont wanna watch it anymore. I would love to find a way to be able to be around him and not have to worry if he's going to do something to remind me of my grandfather and how he used to molest me. I feel bad when he reminds me of him because i know hes not him and would never do that but i feel guilty when he reminds me of my grandfather and i can't help it. Any thought would be great.

Summerlove.

hello,

i am so sorry for the way you feel. im sure its such a hard situation to be in. does your boyfriend know all the details bout the moelestation? sometimes my husband does things that reminds me of my stepdad, but im able to just tell him to stop or whatever and he listens. have you seen a counsellor to talk bout your past? hows your relationship with your family? if your boyfriend doesnt already know what happened to you i strongly suggest telling him. im sure hell understand and listen. hope that helps good luck

Thanks for the reply. I talked to him the other day and finally told him all the things that he does and how uncomfortable I get. He didn't mind or get weirded out that he reminds me of him at times. Now its time to move on to my family theyre not the easiest people to talk to about it but i have before just want them to understand more.

thats awesome that you were able to talk to him and get that off your chest. im also so glad he took it so well too. im sure he asks you questions about your past which is good, means he really cares for you im so glad you told him how you were feeling, that is so important. honestly, i know what you mean about telling your family. it is so hard to tell them and get it out but its so necessary for your healing. theyre reactions might not be what you expected but you need to get it out there, or else itll just keep affecting your life. again, im so sorry for what your grandpa did to you but im so glad you have such a supportive boyfriend.

He does ask and asks what he can do to not remind me. Or what to do what i am reminded of him. He's been super great about this whole thing. I've talked to my family before and the first time my mom still had me see him until they found out that he tried again now i don't have to see him anymore which is nice. But my mom still sees him and it bugs me how could you still have relations with someone that did that to your daughter. My sisters were awesome and took me in when it first happened but it's one of those things that been put to hush hush at my house. like it never happened. But thanks for listening to me vent. I hope everything with you is going okay i read your posts your really strong for everything you've chosen to do.

Oh im so glad you have such a supportive and understanding boyfriend. my husband is also very caring and supportive. its nice to have someone you can talk to and who will listen and not judge. ya thats my biggest thing too... my mom is still married to my stepdad and she beleives him over me, her own daughter. i dont think our mom's understand what were going through and how we feel about all this. well thank you so much. i am strong now, but it took me a year and a half to conquer this crap and actually deal with it. being abused is horrible and it will linger for the rest of your life but you have to learn how to deal with it your own way. like mine is talking bout it, if anyone will listen i will tell.

I'm a really shy person so only a couple people i can completely open up about it to but i do like my boyfriend will listen any time of day or night i need to talk. Its hard to talk to my mom because knowing she still sees him hurts and feels like she doesn't take it that seriously. I feel so much stronger since i've been talking about it and everything that i've done but my moms still the one spot i have trouble with and if she doesn't react how i want her to i know i won't be able to be around her or look at her but i know i need her so i can't cut her out of my life. But thanks so much for everything and your welcome takes a strong person to be able to talk about it and give advice to others in a similar situation.

ohhh of course. i am shy aswell, but for some reason when it comes to my childhood i will talk! i think its just because talking about it has helped me so much so i continue to do it! but everyone recovers differently. i know exactly what you mean, my mom doesnt take me seriously either. i think she just in so much denial that she just wont accept what happened to me. you know what though if she reacts poorly then you know that it was the right thing either way to tell her. too bad for her, this isnt about her its about you and you becomming strong and recovering. thank you i really love this forum because it has helped me so much. helped me realize that im not the only one that has suffered. just dont forget that you are doing this and dealing with your past so YOU can get better and move on, not for anyone else.

I like to talk about it too seems to help just i have certain people i'll talk to but if someone was in the same position im more than willing to share and listen. Thanks i'd like her to react in a good way but if she doesn't she deserved to know either way and know how i felt. I love it here to i don't feel so weird anymore i felt like i was the only one it happened to but now i know it's happened to alot of people and seeing what people say helps alot to or just talking helps. im here to move on and get better

ya me too. there are certain people that i wouldnt even bring it up to them. and ive noticed alot of people can get uncomfortable when you mention childabuse. but my good friends listen and my husband and my nana thats what i thought too, when i was going to tell my nana and papa (who are my moms parents) i was so scared theyd take her side and not bleive me but i felt that they deserved to know the truth. also, i looked like such a rebelious and horrible teenager, but once i tell them my story things make more sense and the way i acted and the things i do make more sense. ya i love this site too, i feel so much more comfortable talking about what happened. i know that people on this site have gone through similar issues. im so glad to hear you say that your here to move on and get better thats a huge step to take. so great job!!!!!

Thanks so much i'm sure my family will believe me its just getting them to the spot to where its not more stress and its more helpfull to me than bad. I'm sure it will make things a lot more clear and help them understand why i'm so uncomfortable around certain people i get that feeling with certain people that they are not all that great and i tend to put myself away.

ya i know what you mean. i wasnt sure if itd cause more stress and trouble then i wanted to cause but at the same time i had to think about myself and what i have to do. you know when you hold something like that for so many years, you just want to tell people. honestly, im sure your family is strong. im sure they will learn to deal with it. just continue to be strong and rememeber that your bf is always there for you too

Yeah i know what you mean i've held it in for so long feels like it just all needs to be let out so I can start to deal with it more and not think about it as much. Yeah he encourages me in whatever i choose to do and he helps me out if I ask for it. So it's always nice to know I have someone who is extremely supportive if my family doesn't take it all that well.