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Full Version: Help Me Get Over It--- What Can I Do?
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iHAVEsecrets
We have been married a year and a half. We are in our 20's. We have our lives ahead of us...

4 weeks ago my husband went nuts. He strangled me, threw me into the ground, held me down, kept throwing me down... and then finally, while holding me down, started fondling my breasts, and tried fingering me. And said something really nasty to me, which I will spare you all of---

He has since been to jail, rehab, AA, we have had couples counseling, I have gone to Domestic Violance classes---
He has court ordered stuff that he has to do now

But my issue-- is not the obvious. Please spare me the "he will do it again" comments---

I want to stay married to my husband. I am glad he is back home. And we are working on all aspects of our relationship and ourselves. we have banned alcohol from our home. we see a counselor every week--- we are trying. BUT, when we are in bed, and we start kissing or cuddling---

I flip out. I hyperventilate. I freeze. I start crying.
I think about everything that happened over again. I can feel his hands around my neck when they are not there. I can see him hurting me.

We havent had sex in like 3 months. And im not trying to rush it... but I want to be able to feel safe in his arms again... and I need someone to please give me some advice. Has anyone been there and fixed it... and come out on top?
onyourside
You'll get there. It will just take time. Stay positive and remember you forgave him which is the first step. DONE!. Now it's time to focus on the things that are getting to you. Maybe you should have someone in the bed with you talking you both through the cuddling. and be a coach.

once that person is gone then you both will be so exited to have each other you will get past it. Alcohol obviously contributed to his rage and some people react differently to it. just remember that love is impossible to shake and can get you through anything.
enduring
i went through some what the same thing, except for his addictions. after thirteen years, i am still with him. we did couples counseling and continuing doing couples counseling. i have come to realize that people like you and me who marry or live with our abuser and they stop abusing, is hard to get over the scares they have left. i would recommend private counseling for yourself. without that, you will find it difficult to "move on" in you relationship. good luck.
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