My husband told me about a few months ago that he was addicted to pain pills. I immediatley layed down ground rules such as I control all the money and if he did have money he had to bring me the reciepts and change. I limited his time away from me so I knew where he was and what he was up to. He has done really well after going through hard-core withdrawals. I told him that this will all take time and I will support him through it all. He has lied, stole, pawned numerous items, borrowed money, we lost our house, car, everything. But I have forgiven him and we are both ready to move on with our life, as challenging as it might be. My husband as been very depressed lately. He says it is hard to feel normal after not really feeling for such a long time. He says he has no drive or will to do anything. I am very worried about him and I need advice. How can I help him get through this?

Dear mommaof4:
If your husband really wants to kick his addiction and become healthy, he needs to find a substance abuse recovery program and get involved in it. Then he needs to stay involved in it. He might also need a mental health diagnosis - sometimes people use drugs to self-medicate when there's really a mental health issue going on. He has to do this on his own - it will not work if you enroll him. He needs to be committed and motivated for it to work. The next thing is for you to find a support group for yourself, similar to Al Anon for families of people with substance abuse - I think there's one called Narc Anon, but that might not be quite right. This will help you learn how to step in to help when it's right and step out when your "helping" is just getting in the way.

The other thing you should consider is whether or not it's okay to expose your children to his substance abuse. In our state the Department of Health and Human Services considers that to be child abuse, and I am currently visiting a family where the children were almost removed from the home because of the parent's substance abuse. If it's like this where you live, it would be good for you to know about it.

Good luck! It's hard to stand by and watch a loved one in this situation, especially when you know that it's really out of your control!

homevisitor

Thank you so much. I will be looking into many options for my husband, myself, and my children. Thank you again.

You should give him a good treatment with your moral support. Everything will be fine.

It's a life long battle with a disease and professional help is about the only way you can deal with it. My wife has been in a rehab program the last 3 months in Lake Lure, NC and they have determined she has
co-ocurring disorders. Dr Susan Holman has written about inadequate dopamine levels and the primitive mind which sheds some light on the disease side of things. About all you can do is encourage your loved one to participate in a good rehab and stay involved in al anon, you must take care of yourself with set boundaries.