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Maze
Firstly i hope this is in the right place.

My "story" is long and very boring but to cut it right down since the death of my mother when i was 3yrs old (im 24 now) my father has progressively become more and more mentally ill. He has through subtle and blatant manipulation of my entire life brain washed me into doing exaclty what he wants and now i have a life of my own that he cant control he has totally abandoned me. A month ago my partner of 6 years proposed and i accepted - due to my fathers quirks (refusing to speak to me on my mobile phone) and my long hours at work i ended up telling my nan and sister (who live with him) before him. Before i had a chance to tell him he had accused us of talking behind his back and started a massive fight in which my sister shouted my news at him. He hasnt spoken to me since!

Apparently and i have to take all these things with a pinch of salt as my sister has a habit of winding situations up... He cant be bothered with me as i take up too much of his energy (he has sucked the very life out of me with his controlling ways). He has asked my sister if she thinks its a good idea for ME to get married (as if its anything to do with her). He has also asked her if its the right time for me to be getting married (WTF!).

I have been at the point of giving up on my relationship with him for many months but he has such a hold on me that when ever it comes to telling him i freeze up and physically can not get the words out. All i have ever tried to do is please him and be a good daughter but nothing has ever been good enough. But it feels like he has dumped me, im not sure i miss him or even love him (sadly i feel very little) but i feel more lonely than usual. How f*cked up is that?

I suffer from severe depression as it is and ive always felt like a total freak, a non-entity, worthless but at the moment i feel dead inside. Like everything i have accomplished in my life has been wasted because he doesnt care anymore. I dont have many friends (due to not being allowed to make them as a child and now not knowing how), my family is small and a wedding now some how seems pointless because it will just remind me how alone i am and my OHs family and friends will pity me for having no one and (i cant help but feel...) laugh at me for being such a f*ck up.

My entire child/teen hood was based on being controlled, supporting his many fads and obsessions, cleaning up after him both physically and emotionally and now im lost. I feel completely pointless.
PMW
Hello, You need to separate yourself from your father...move across town or to another state(preferably 6-7hours away) if possible. I too had to move away from my hometown because of my controlling dad. You will always be his little girl and he will always know what's best for you..so he thinks. You and only you can make the decision to move on with your life not your dad,family, nor friends. It's okay to think about your past not relive it time and time again...move on. If you are happy with your partner...go be happy...you have ONE life to live. Live it happy and well..not lonely,miserable, and worthless...you are loved. LOVE THYSELF. wellwishes smile.gif
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