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Full Version: My Mother Is A Relationship Addict
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I am writing to try and get support/information in order to help myself and my family get through the latest round of my mother's relationship addiction binges.

She is 59 years old has been divorced twice. She has now eloped with a man that she met on one of the internet relationship services. She has known him for a total of 3 months. After meeting in person, they decided that he should move from another state to live with her. Then a week or two later they decided to get married next June. Then they bought a house. Then a week or two later they decided while vacationing to just get married without telling anyone until they came back.

I have been upset over this whole thing because of her past track record with dysfunctional, classic codependant marriages. Not to mention the extreme pace that they are taking with their relationship irregardless of the effects on anyone else. This all seems like a repeat of the same events all over again. Both of the past two marriages, one of them was to my father, ended after years of pain and abuse.

I have children of my own now. I techinically no longer need to be "taken care of" by her. Why should it matter to me so much what she does with her love life? She should be able to make her own decisions and I should be happy for her, right? I am just reacting from my wounded inner child, right? These are all questions that are driving me crazy. I don't feel happy for her. I feel like she is spiraling off into the world of the codependant addict. I don't know what to do. She won't listen to me. She just stares at me and nods when I speak of it to her and says. "I'm sorry you feel that way, I love you." When inside I know she's thinking that I am completely wrong. I don't want to go through this with her again!
Based on your rhetorical questions, it seems people have patted you on the head and said, "there, there, dear!" enough. I won't do that! So, I'll assume it's true that your mother is a relationship addict. I've known a few of these people and your Mom may well be one. So...what if she is addicted to relationships...what can you do? I'll give you the same answer I would give if we were writing about a crack addict...there is nothing you can do but love her and let her suffer the consequences. When she hits bottom, she will need you there to help her recover.
If you pressure her or make an issue out of this between you, you will end the relationship you have and not be able to be there for her when she needs you. After all, how receptive were you when she tried to tell you she didn't approve of someone you wanted to have a relationship with? Instead, if you honor her decision, you honor her and maintain your relationship with her. So, I recommend you treat him like family even if you have reservations. This course of action has another benefit for you and your'll have less ground to recover if you happen to be mistaken about their relationship.
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