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blacksheepOfamily
Ok I am not sure how to start.
I am almost 30 and I have been abused by literally everyone in my family a large family of 12 siblings and a divorced mother and father at the age of 10.
My mother has always treated me horribly She said "she just never bonded with me as a child"
when I see her it is a constant projectile of negative horrible things.
I was molested as a child my mother new but never did anything about it my father confronted her and she kicked him out when I was 10. She still acts like nothing happened like I was never hit yelled at slept outside beaten and sexually abused almost everyday of my life while I was living with her.
So I confronted her at the age of 23 I told her everything that happened she said nothing ever happened she never did anything and I remember everything wrong..So I started screaming your a liar liar liar..Your a horrible mother and I wish you never had me..She responded I feel the same way you are a disapointment and I have always wished I had never had you.. So just brief run ins with her she acts so happy to see me giving me a forced hug and asking are you doing well.. my responses are always brief and cold..
The most wonderful day of my life my son is born at my age of 25 she shows up at the hospital when my son and I are both very sick and says most babies end up in plastic trash bags in the garbage the nurse told her it was time for my meds and she would have to step out.. My husband told her to get out and never come around us again..
So it's 3 years later and she is telling people that thier is something wrong with my son hes retarded he is hyper active he acts horrible he is unresponsive to anyone.. she has only seen him once at my nephews birthday and he was terrified of her and started to cry so we left...
Everyone in my family treats me this way and I want to get away from them... People keep telling me it is important to have your children around extended family you should try to mend things for them.
I cant bare myself to have them around my children I feel like they have damaged me enough and the abuse needs to stop here with me and not go another generation. I don't want my children hurt by them I want to protect them thier entire lives from people like these

I would like to have contact just with my sister but it is getting to hard she talks to me about people in the family and I DO NOT like hearing about anyone at all they all make me want to vomit.
I don't know how to maintain a relationship with her and not everyone else I just want to move out of state
and forget about all of this and start a new life for me but I just dont know what to do...
Glen
Let me be one of the first to say you don't need people in your life who will tear you down emotionally. If they make you feel like the "black sheep" there's no way that can be good for you or your son. You've had your whole childhood and 12 years as an adult to see how things are in your family. I doubt things will ever get all Norman Rockwell between you and them. Those who are counseling to mend things don't have a clue what they're talking about...probably never been in a dysfunctional family. If you can keep a positive relationship with the one sister and tolerate when she mentions others, great. If she respects you, she'll respect your wishes most of the time. There you have it...my permission to sever all ties and live the rest of your life making sure your family never becomes that family.
Sheriliegh1969
I can relate to many parts of your story, only my family consists of my parents and one older brother. As a kid, starting at age 11, verbal abuse started and it continued until I moved out when I was 24. When dad stopped and my brother stopped, my mom continued. Now, I have very LIMITED contact with my family. In fact, my dad and I have just agreed that it would be best for me and for him if I didn't call 'home' to my parents because my mom is so negative and verbally abusive to him and me. She nags on him when I do or don't call. If I call, she complains, is manipulative, controlling, angry, yells, puts everybody she talks about down, etc. So, starting last May of 2011, I started to set boundaries and cut off contact with my family. They all live in a city one hour from me so that is a good thing. Distance. Now, my brother has his own family and hates talking on the phone so I don't have to worry about him. As far as mom goes, I'd love to cut her right out of my life, but to do so would mean cutting dad off too and that isn't fair.
My health is not great with 37 medical conditions, but I made it clear to dad that if they needed to know something I would call. Otherwise, it is best for myself and him if I don't call because mom can't nag on him nor can she abuse me in any way. Every time I hear her voice she causes me trauma. She's 67 and she won't change so I am the one who has to change the way I interact or don't with her.
So, for one year I've been testing the waters and it's come to cutting off contact, if needs be, for months at a time. For my sanity's sake and for my dad's sanity, it is the best. If mom wants to be upset, then so be it. That's her problem...not mine.

Sheri
kaufenpreis
Recognizing Verbal and Emotional Abuse

I define verbal abuse as the systematic, ongoing use of harmful words or sharp tones in an attempt to control another person. Emotional abuse is the unseen fallout of all forms of abuse – physical, mental, verbal, sexual and even spiritual abuse – striking at the very core of who we are.

Recently, one of my relatives confided to me, "I've just realized that I've been verbally abused all of my married life. I'd never heard of verbal abuse until recently. I didn't know what it was, much less, what to do."

As I talked with Georgia (not her real name), I heard what had been happening behind closed doors – for decades. Ultimately, the longer we choose to live in an emotionally abusive relationship, the more we're inclined to view an abusive lifestyle as "normal." Then we find ourselves living fear-based lives, being powerfully manipulated by our abuser.
Warlord
You could move out of state and start a new life with your husband and child. You don't need siblings that don't treat you well. You still have a life and make it meaningful with your own family.
kaufenpreis
Part one of a two-part series by James Lehman, MSW on kids who use verbal abuse, intimidation and threats to manipulate their parents and family. In this article, James explains how a defiant, verbally abusive child is created. Next week, he’ll tell you how to handle this behavior in your home.

When you’re standing in your kitchen, and you’re fighting back tears and rage as your son is calling you “b---h,” you don’t have time to do much of anything but react. But when he’s stormed out the door or up to his room, the question arises in your mind yet again: “Why is he like this? Why does he talk to me this way?”
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