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Glen
Admittedly, with this subject, no matter what I write there will be criticism, but it's worth it if others will take a step back from the emotions and consider true solutions to the problem of pedophilia. Fear and anger are normal responses to child molestation but they can't form the basis of any real solution. Instead, we need to understand the problem, craft prevention strategies, determine effective punishment and establish treatments for both the victims and the pedophiles. Since prevention, victim treatment and pedophile convict treatment/punishment are exhaustively covered elsewhere, we're going to focus, here, on therapy for pedophiles (and potential pedophiles) as part of the crime prevention strategy. Here are some top selling books on therapy for pedophiles and other sexual abusers.  

Punishment For Sexual Offenders is strongly and appropriately favored by pretty much everyone but the offenders. These are heinous criminal acts done to people who cannot defend themselves. When you add the cruelty of threat and terror imposed by the pedophiles who know their victims, it becomes clear that every time we catch someone like this, they need to be punished to the full extent of the law. As opposed to popular belief, though, punishment (usually with therapy) is pretty effective for those convicted. The repeat conviction rate for child molesters is...

To read the whole article, see Why Offer Pedophiles Therapy?
anonxphile
I'm an ex pedophile who supports therapy as opposed to strictly punishment. I never abused anyone physically, but the life repercussions were huge anyway. There needs to be an alternative for those who have never offended, or never been caught, but want to reform. As it is, I don't know of any help that is available, other than standard sex addiction treatment programs, which don't necessarily deal with the root problems, although they may help. Several ex-con friends who have known of my problem have recommended therapists, but of course, that costs money, and they are bound by state law to tell the authorities of any indescretions you admit to. I have hope for the internet...that's why I'm posting here.

--Anon "EX" Ophile
tiggeronmv
Dear Anonxphile,

Glen has written three great articles on pedophiles I suggest that you start by reading the article, "Why Offer Pedophiles Therapy?". That article will lead to two others Glen wrote "Pedophile Therapy and Pedophile Therapy 2"

In Therapy 2 Glen lays out the following set of rules that you must immediately establish for yourself.

"If you find yourself attracted to children, here are some steps you must take to control yourself:
1. Never allow yourself to be alone with a child, not even yours.
2. Never allow yourself to dwell on erotic thoughts about children...force them out with other thoughts.
3. Never allow yourself to view erotic images of anyone. Even stay away from underwear and bathing suit commercials...anything that gives you the wrong ideas.
4. Never go to swimming pools, dance studios, playgrounds or anywhere else that gives you temptation.
5. Never allow yourself to masturbate or to think of others while making love with your spouse.
6. Find a trusted friend or family member (your spouse if married) to be accountable to. Tell them everything and ask them to keep an eye on you and confront you about this issue.

By following these steps and keeping the battle in your mind, you can get control of your behavior." This was written by Glen

While I have never had this sexual draw toward children, I am addicted to pornography. That addiction caused me to lose my wife and family, I just went through a divorce hearing last week after seventeen years of marriage. I was accused by my wife of inappropriately touching my children. False charges were brought to the courts, and in an attempt to "save my marriage" I accepted a plea bargain to the crime of "Incident assault on a child under the age of fourteen". I served thirty days in jail last winter, will be on probation for the next five years, wear a G.P.S. ankle bracelet, lost my job, haven't seen or talked with my children for nearly a full year now and during the divorce hearing, my wife's restraining order was extended for another full year so I won't be able to even ask to see them now for still another full year.

If you don't believe that the consequences of pornography are real, you are truly deceiving yourself!

I weekly attend a Sex Offender Treatment Program therapy session with eight sex offenders and I am learning a lot about the struggles that sex offenders face in their lives.

First and foremost, all sex offenders are not pedophiles. In fact nearly 40% are young fellows that had what they thought was consensual sex with girls that were too young legally to consent. As states raise the age of consent to 18, which is required by the Adam Walsh Act to be in compliance by 2009, they expect that nearly 70% of all of the new sex offenders will be Romeo / Juliet cases where the boy, it is always the boy even if the girl is 20 and the boy is 14, will end up being convicted of statutory rape and will be a Tier III offender required to register four times per year for the rest of their lives. Many will also be required to serve a mandatory 25 year sentence. This is where the current hysteria about sex offenders is headed and if states comply with the federal law, this will go into effect nation wide by next year.

Currant surveys indicate that 70% of males have had sex by the age of 18 and 60 % of the the girls have also had sex. With every disgruntled youth breakup or upset parent, there is a sex offender in the making. Meanwhile, the school systems teach sex education where they say it is alright to experiment in all forms of sexual ways with either sex as partner or with multiple partners. Sexual diseases are at an all time high, as are unwanted pregnancies. Schools hand out condoms and Planned Parenthood offer other forms of birth control and abortions to girls as young as eleven.

Dumb pranks can also get one convicted of a sex offense such as mooning someone from the bus window, streaking across the football field, or urinating in public, peeping in a window or looking at child pornography on the internet.

The other major category of sex offenders are fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, uncles, and close friends of the family including baby sitters, day care providers, ministers, Boy Scout leaders, etc, people close to your family and your children that use their position of influence to molest children. This accounts for nearly 85% of all the reported molestations on children under the age of fourteen. The scariest statistic of all is that if you locked up every convicted sex offender that has ever been convicted of a sex crime for the rest of their lives, next year you would still have nearly 90% as many new sex offences to deal with for every year, 90% of all sex crimes are committed by people that have never been caught before.

If you find yourself with the desire to look at children in a sexual way, going to see a therapist or doctor or minister is a huge risk since in most states, there is a requirement for them to report you to the authorities so you are in a "catch 22".

Read what you can on this forum, participate in sharing ways to control your urges with others, see what works for others, but what has worked best for me is to hand your life over to God.

In His service,
Tiggeronmv unsure.gif
bwhite
As a recovering pedophile, I feel the following was the one thing that worked against me all of the years I was suffering. It was my number one reason for not seeking professional help...

If you find yourself with the desire to look at children in a sexual way, going to see a therapist or doctor or minister is a huge risk since in most states, there is a requirement for them to report you to the authorities so you are in a "catch 22".

Seeking help meant getting caught. Most pedophiles will not seek professional help because of the huge risk of getting caught as well as the social stigma placed on those with this condition.

I wish I could have found help earlier. I am thankful I never took pictures of or molested a child, however, I did have to start my life over when my situation went public and I lost my lucrative job.

I am currently in counseling and attend Sex Addicts Anonymous. Both have proved beneficial and have helped me change my life in a very profound and meaningful way.

Brian White
davidwr
Unlike most other addictions, where a person who has committed criminal acts such as DUI, prostitution, or drug trafficking is free to talk to a therapist on his own initiative or after family intervention, a pedophile in America has no such freedom once he violates the law. They are pretty much on par with someone who killed someone in a DUI-hit-and-run.

In many states, once you look at child pornography or molest a child, the only person you can talk to without going to jail is your lawyer or in some states a Catholic Priest. In some states I'm not even sure if you can tell a lawyer of your actual crimes before you are arrested.

If a pedophile wants help, he's limited to self-help books, prayer, "general" self-help that may address underlying issues like depression or past abuse as a child, but he can never speak of what he has done until the statutes of limitations expire, if they expire.

These rules are in place for good reason - so that victims can get treated and to prevent "hide the pedophile" shell games such as the ones a large church denomination did in the last half of the 20th century.

This not only affects those who have never been caught, but it also affects those who are in prison but who have not been given immunity from prosecution for acts not yet confessed.

This leads to a bizarre circumstance where public policy actually increases the risk of more victims, as people who need help refuse to get it. Whether you are in jail for 10 years and refuse therapy on your lawyer's advice, or whether you have never been caught and can't get real help for 10 or 20 years until some clock expires. In the meantime, you are forced to choose between "throwing away your life" by confessing to the police and probably being a registered sex offender/pariah for life or keeping quiet and relying on self-help. prudent actions such as staying away from pornography or being alone with children, and, if you are religious, whatever deity your believe in to keep you from offending again.

Society needs to ask itself - is it worth it? Is it worth telling pedophiles who want to heal "you are on your own," knowing this will mean more victims, in order to make sure that all known victims get help immediately? It might be, as some victims who do not get help may go on to become perpetrators as adults. It's a math game society will be required to play as long as pedophilia and the propensity to abuse children is a chronic problem. Our children are the pawns. Whichever way society chooses - allow pedophiles to get therapy in private or require therapists to disclose, some children will lose.
dylnkmp
I wish there had been some form of treatment available but as has been pointed out here any transgression reported to a therapist must be reported to the police. What an incredible Catch 22. It seems that society is more interested in punishment rather than prevention or treatment. How much money is REALLY spent on research into the actual causes of pedophilia? Wouldn't it be great if the medical community could find a common link that would act as a red flag so they could tell the individual (at an early age) "Hey, you show the following traits that make you susceptible to becoming a pedophile." and provide preventative treatment. No, instead, society seems happier with creating an ever increasing population of pariahs who, once identified (via arrest/conviction and registration under Megan's Law) become a permanent underclass. The other part of the Catch 22 is that once you've been arrested and convicted, after you serve your time you are financially responsible to pay for any treatment...which you can't afford because you can't get or hold a job!

Megan's Law - the most UNCONSTITUTIONAL Law in America: First, there is no proof that Megan's Law has ever protected a single child. An offender who wants to repeat will repeat whether he is registered or not. Those who have been successfully treated or curbed their desires are outcasts who can never lead any type of a productive life. What Megan's Law does do is creates an ever-growing underclass of people who cannot find housing (even "section 8" welfare housing is off limits to registered sex offenders, not to mention that no apartment owner would ever rent to someone on the sex offender list). Next, try and find a job! Nobody will hire you if they know you are a registered sex offender (especially if convicted for a child crime), and if you are lucky enough to slip through the hiring screen...never fear, as soon as you update your employer information with the police they will call your employer to notify him of your sex offender status and there goes your job. If you are lucky enough to own a house, having your status made public via the internet as well as being circulated by the police in schools and local business just invites retribution from people who don't want you in their neighborhood. Sure, the law says it is illegal for your neighbors to take any actions against you, but do you really think the police will put any effort into that? So where does that leave a convicted sex offender? Homeless and unemployed...two things that are sure to increase the likelihood that he will re-offend, or at the very least, be arrested for other illegal acts (vagrancy, petty theft, etc...). Think about it, not even MURDERERS have their past acts laid bare in such a public fashion so as to ensure they can NEVER be functioning members of society again.

So let's summarize: There is little or no preventative help for those who have pedophilic tendencies, there is no way for a pedophile who acts on his or her impulses to get help without going to jail, there may be treatments available after a pedophile is released from jail, but because the can't get a job, they can't afford treatment. Finally Megan's Law prevents them from ever reintegrating into society (as even the most heinous drug dealers, thieves, killers can do).

As pointed out previously, even if every pedophile was executed there would be little to no impact on future occurrences because there is no preventative treatment available as current children grow into pedophile adults.

lovethyselffirst
Interestingly, I have the polar opposite issue and completely recommended inpatient psychiatric treatment prior to reporting, but instead the family basically took this guy away in seclusion..please read

Im so conflicted and upset with the judicial system, that I am having a hard time coping and moving forward.
I was living with a 46 yo male who was attempting to get physical placement with us of his young girls, 4 and 6yo. We were headed to court on Monday, so discussing matters that weekend of potential allegations from the socalled unfit mother (based on his feedback and his family)

As I kept asking him what potentially may come up so I am not surprised and look like a fool...I was prepared for most anything but not what was disclosed...He decided, after 2 days to disclose to me that he sexually molested his stepdaughter (apparently from the ages of 11-14) and she is now 18 (Feb 2011)...I asked a series of questions and he was explicit.

Ive known him since highschool and was going out with his family weekly 'get togethers'...no, I don't drink alcohol nor do drugs, so no possibility of misinterpretation. I have an 8 yo daugther as well.

I was devastated, shocked, numb and became unglued thus our relationship broke and finally he left my home on Memorial day. On that day, he informed his sister (my so called friend) he couldn't live with me anymore bc I was controlling (actually, I was losing control)...and she proceeded to ask me questions in which I said it was about a 'deep dark secret'...she proceeds to ask me if it is about a 12 yo young girl (daughter of a woman he was dating 20 years ago) in which 'rumor' was that he was inappropriatate with her and his family told him to get away....so, I lost it..and informed her of this 'new victim' in which her response was not what one would expect, she said, "I need to protect my sons (15/12)....

His sister was sexually molested by her father/grandfather as well when she was 9-13.

The mother of this second victim also apparently was informed by her daughter approx 3-4 years ago and June 4, 2011...but, 'doesn't believe her'..WTF!...I never disclosed the information to this mother who texted me several times, almost validating this disclosure.

So...here is the issue...Ive reported this to authorities, his admission with details and child protective services bc of the 2 little girls..and because the 18 yo (who has dropped out of hs/allegedly doing drugs/has sexual relations with a 14yo boy, resulting in pregnancy with abortion in April 2011....but, she is not going to police 'thus no victim'...how is this logically possible based on the admittance/texts etc that police cannot ask the perpertrator

seems like probable cause to me?

Thoughts and suggestions?
roger555
Sexual outpours are a must sometimes. However that doesn’t justify watching porn on the website. Neither do I condone the fact that porn should be watched.
roger555
Pedophiles are the most heinous creatures that one can think of. Children who are victims of such people need special care and treatment. It was a good post.



dylnkmp
I would prefer euthanasia as an option to having to register for the rest of my life. Being publicly ostracized, unable to find a place to life, unable to hold a job...death would be preferable. Since it is so easy to label sex offenders as monsters everyone not in this category (including drug dealers, users, drunk drivers who have killed families, murderers, arsonists, etc...) can have someone to hate. When will society realize the community notification part of this law actually INCREASES the likelihood that the individual will commit some sort of crime again. Most of us are ripped from our families (I don't want to endanger my children or have them forced to deal with the nasty comments and lack of friends), forced to move from place to place and never permitted to hold a job. Why can't they just offer us a sedative and a needle? It would certainly reduce the number of convicted sex offenders living in society, even though it would have absolutely no impact on sex-related crimes (we'll just ignore that part). Is there any way some organization could petition the federal government to allow the euthanasia of sex offenders who choose that option?
Waiting2B
Whew, this is one area that is very very hard to be forgiving and loving toward. I think, unless they really are insane and belong in an institution for the rest of their lives, that they can claim mental illness as the reason that they injure a child in this manner.

I think that it should be handled the same as when people are on trial for murder... they should have to plea insanity if they want to use the mental illness angle... and then be locked up.

Because you can't have it both ways... I don't belong in a state ward the rest of my life... but I'm mental enough to molest kids... just doesn't cut it for me.

Sorry, I'm really not trying to sound horrid... and, I am sorry for those of you that have sinned in this way or come close enough to it to have had your lives ruined... I do believe that sin is sin, and you deserve the opportunity to be "forgiven" too... but this is a hard one... at least for us human beings to be able to see past.

I also know that when I break the Law... God forgives me, but I still deal with the consequences in the society I live in. I think we need longer sentences or even permanent ones for people who commit crimes against children. After all, prison ain't great, but here in the USA... your needs are met and you are kept in a place where you can't hurt any other innocents. Many prisons have TV, weight rooms, run small jobs or something from inside...

Prisons from years ago or in other countries were basically a death sentence or worse because they didn't feed you, give you medical care, allow you to work toward a degree, etc...

so... maybe we don't have the perfect solution... but maybe locking people up who harm children in that way PERMANENTLY is the answer... I mean, you wouldn't have to worry about securing jobs and housing that way.

yeah, sounds kinda harsh, but I don't know what the solution is. Allowing you to confess to some one but binding their hands from telling the authorities doesn't sound right either... I mean, if you committed a crime, then you committed a crime.

Sorry, I don't want to be horrid and I hope I don't come off as such.
linavi390
For pedophiles should take active measures for treatment
walter
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Wilde
QUOTE (Glen @ Nov 13 2006, 03:26 PM) *
Admittedly, with this subject, no matter what I write there will be criticism, but it's worth it if others will take a step back from the emotions and consider true solutions to the problem of pedophilia. Fear and anger are normal responses to child molestation but they can't form the basis of any real solution. Instead, we need to understand the problem, craft prevention strategies, determine effective punishment and establish treatments for both the victims and the pedophiles. Since prevention, victim treatment and pedophile convict treatment/punishment are exhaustively covered elsewhere, we're going to focus, here, on therapy for pedophiles (and potential pedophiles) as part of the crime prevention strategy. Here are some top selling books on therapy for pedophiles and other sexual abusers.  

Punishment For Sexual Offenders is strongly and appropriately favored by pretty much everyone but the offenders. These are heinous criminal acts done to people who cannot defend themselves. When you add the cruelty of threat and terror imposed by the pedophiles who know their victims, it becomes clear that every time we catch someone like this, they need to be punished to the full extent of the law. As opposed to popular belief, though, punishment (usually with therapy) is pretty effective for those convicted. The repeat conviction rate for child molesters is...

To read the whole article, see Why Offer Pedophiles Therapy?

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