Is Child Spanking Ok? Options

[Glen]

Though not a parent myself, after a couple decades of observing, helping and counseling young adults and families, I've come to the conclusion that discipline is sadly lacking in both parents and children. New diseases and drugs have been invented to control behavior problems that used to be controlled by spanking. Spanking is now regarded as violence no matter what the behavior of the child. So, what do you do when reasoning and time outs don't work but you don't want to drug your child? This article will...

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[tyciol]

I do not feel spanking is acceptable. While it is indeed preferable to people going on spirals of bad behaviour and getting hurt from drugs or reckless physical pursuits, I do not feel that we should somehow hold up spanking as any kind of acceptable thing.

If you must resort to spanking, this is a failure of being a parent. You should not have children if you feel you will have to resort to spanking to get your point across.

If you have a legitimate point, which is fair o everyone and looks out for their best interests, and you have the skill to convey this message to your children, then they will accept it. If you want their respect, then earn it. Be an impressive person. If they do not respect you, if they are impolite, then that is fine. You may desire their love and approval, but do not necessitate it from them.

What is important, and what you need to convey, is things in their own best interest, and of your personal choices and values. Convey that if they go against what you value, you have the authority to remove luxuries, and show them, perhaps through example rather than lecturing or emotional shouting, why your arguments hold water. Have the respect to convince them of your views rather than dragging them into them.

After reading your article, I do not feel as negative though, as you have included many rational disclaimers about the appropriateness of spanking. I still do feel it is bad and alternatives are better in all circumstances, but that your dislaimers would make people who spanked more responsible spankers than having no guidelines whatsoever, so that is definately a valuable guide.

I can understand the need of keeping them away from danger, however, simply wrenching them away from it seems like a more direct way to deal with it, like talking sternly, and moving their head to face you if they turn away and refuse to listen to your advise. This kind of gesturing would convey how important you feel it is to them, but keep it in the context of caring, and not punishment.

Basically, the idea of hurting someone for not obeying you sounds bad to me, I think it sets a bad precident. In some situations, like if we are wrong, it is better for kids to not listen, after all. If we are right, it is better for them to accept this of their own volition I think, rather than to have them compelled into following it out of authority, right?

Of course, I speak purely subjectively. I have not raised a two-year-old, as you mention in the article, nor are my memories of being one very clear. Even if I may have been a more reasonable 2yo, it is possible many are not, so perhaps this is the only way, I don't know, I just hope that it isn't I guess, that any human may potentially see logical things in their own interest.

[PDeverit]

Child buttock-battering for the purpose of gaining compliance is nothing more than an inherited bad habit.

Its a good idea for people to take a look at what they are doing and learn how to DISCIPLINE instead of hit.

I think the reason why television shows like "Supernanny" and "Dr. Phil" are so popular is because that is precisely what many (not all) people are trying to do.

There are several reasons why child buttock-battering isn't a good idea. Here are some good, quick reads recommended by professionals:

Plain Talk About Spanking
by Jordan Riak,

The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children
by Tom Johnson,

NO VITAL ORGANS THERE, So They Say
by Lesli Taylor M.D. and Adah Maurer Ph.D.


Most compelling of all reasons to abandon this worst of all bad habits is the fact that buttock-battering can be unintentional sexual abuse for some children. There is an abundance of educational literature, testimony, documentation, etc available on the subject that can easily be found by doing a little research on the topic.

Just a handful of those helping to raise awareness of why child buttock-battering isn't a good idea:

American Academy of Pediatrics

American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry

Center For Effective Discipline

PsycHealth Ltd Behavioral Health Professionals

Churches' Network For Non-Violence

Nobel Peace Prize recipient Archbishop Desmond Tutu

Parenting In Jesus' Footsteps

Global Initiative To End All Corporal Punishment of Children

United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child

Countries where child buttock-battering is prohibited by law:
Sweden, Finland, Norway, Austria, Cyprus, Italy, Denmark, Latvia, Croatia, Bulgaria, Germany, Israel, Iceland, Ukraine, Romania, Hungary, Greece, Netherlands, New Zealand, Portugal, Uruguay, Venezuela, Chile, Spain, Costa Rica, Republic of Moldova, and more in process.
In fact, the US was the only UN member that did not ratify the Convention on the Rights of the Child.