IPB
Infinite Menus, Copyright 2006, OpenCube Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )


 
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> Worried About My Friend's Children...
.:jo0lz:.
post Nov 2 2006, 08:51 PM
Post #1


Newbie
*

Group: Members
Posts: 2
Joined: 2-November 06
Member No.: 148



My very good friend has two wonderful children, a boy of 10 and a girl of 6, whom I babysit quite often and have grown quite close with. Two years ago, he and his wife divorced. Within the past few months, mom has found a new boyfriend, and moved him into her home.

Since the new boyfriend has moved into the mom's home, the kids have been acting very depressed. The 10 year old boy has spoken of suicide, (this began a month ago, about three weeks after the bf moved in with mom) and has tried to choke himself. He is now in therapy for this. The father and I were very confused as to where this all came from... we suspect he might just not be getting enough attention from mom since she has begun to begin her new life with her new boyfriend (in fact, this is most likely for certain part of the problem, bc the boy's suicide talk and attempts were not even enough to get her to cancel a weekend across country with her friends at the time.)

Now, within the past few weeks, the 6 yo girl has taken a large amount of interest in her body. She came home to Dad not too long ago, pulled down her shirt and exclaimed "look at my boobies daddy arent they big!" as she pushed her "breasts" together and jumped up and down. This worried Dad and he came to me to see if this is just a normal time for a girl to become interested in herself, or if there is something more. I wasnt sure of the answer...

Then a few days ago, a little boy had called the 6yo girl a "dummy" which brought on sever crying jags, during which she told me how her "life sucks, and no one loves her but her daddy, and how she wished she could be with him all the time, and she hates herself" It struck me as odd that she wouldnt mention that her mommy loved her... it also struck me as very odd that a 6yo would hate herself so much, and think her life sucks so much... im just not sure that that level of inscurity is normal for a child her age...

So, taking into consideration the extensive disproportionate reactions to stress these kids have, and the possibly innappropriate "curiosity" in her body the girl has at 6.... should the Dad and I be worried that something is going on in mom's house with the boyfriend? Are these signs that he may be doing something to them? Or are these normal reactions of children who are having a hard time dealing with divorce?

Dad and I definitely need advice... it's driving us crazy that we dont know how to read what is going on with the kids, and what we can or should do about it.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Glen
post Nov 3 2006, 07:30 AM
Post #2


Administrator
****

Group: Root Admin
Posts: 1,431
Joined: 22-July 06
Member No.: 1



In my (I must warn you, untrained) opinion, it seems more likely to be an adjustment to the competition for Mom's attention than the result of anything more sinister. I'm glad to hear therapy is happening with the boy. With the way people dress and act on TV and the type of attention Mom is probably getting, the girl could heve picked up the "boobies" idea anywhere. If molestation were happening, it's more likely the girl would be more conscious of other parts of her anatomy. Here is a Signs Of Child Molestation page for you and the Dad to be on the lookout for. It also includes sources of more qualified advice than I'm giving here.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
.:jo0lz:.
post Nov 3 2006, 09:39 AM
Post #3


Newbie
*

Group: Members
Posts: 2
Joined: 2-November 06
Member No.: 148



thanks a bunch!

I had also been leaning more toward it being about not getting enough attention from Mom as well, but Dad was SO worried and has been SO distraught and at a loss, I felt the need to try and be sure, and to reach out and ask people with more experience than I. He and I will, of course, be keeping our eyes open to see if any worse signs or symptoms come up, but for now I agree that there isn't enough there to seem like anything sinister.

So, this leads to my next question, however. Dad is very unsure of how to approach Mom to let her know he thinks the kids aren't getting anough attention in her home. He tries his best, at all times, to keep the peace and ensure that his kids are living in the least hostile environment possible, and tries, no matter what, to not get into arguements with Mom. He doesn't want the children to be even MORE stressed than they already are, but at the same time, is very torn because he wants to let Mom know it's not ok to ignore her children. He even had a very hard time letting her know he felt it was not a good time for her to go on a week long trip when her son had just tried to commit suicide, and he felt VERY strongly about that. He is going out of his mind here, absolutely torn between wanting the best for his kids from her, but not wanting to make it worse.

What kind of advice could i give him on how to approach Mom about the attention (or lack of) that she pays to her children? How can he word things gently, while still getting his point across?
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Glen
post Nov 3 2006, 11:01 AM
Post #4


Administrator
****

Group: Root Admin
Posts: 1,431
Joined: 22-July 06
Member No.: 1



Unfortunately, It's likely that his words will fall on deaf ears while she's in the throws of a new romance. Polite suggestions or expressions of concern will be best coming from his son's counselor, where the assumption of objectivity exists. If the polite discourse doesn't work, he needs to weigh the potential harm of being ignored against the potential harm of engaging in a custody battle in court...where the issue could actually be resolved. This would be extremely expensive and painful, but, if he feels his children are being mistreated in any way, this may be the only recourse.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

Reply to this topicStart new topic

 

RSS Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 17th January 2018 - 06:19 PM
IPS Driver Error

IPS Driver Error

There appears to be an error with the database.
You can try to refresh the page by clicking here