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> I Affected By Molestation, A victim of child molestation
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Shy
post Aug 30 2006, 06:33 PM
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Hi, my name is Shy. I am a victim of child molestation. I am 18 now, but what happened to me years ago still haunts me. When I was 4, my stepfather started molesting me. I was to afraid to tell anyone and I was ashamed. I felt that it was something that I did that would allow someone to do something so horrific to me. Til this day it still haunts me. When I look at men I see a potential rapist. I don't have a boyfriend, but when I did I was afraid for him to touch me and I couldn't trust him. The relationship only lasted 2 weeks. If I could I would apologize to him, but I don't see myself telling someone what happened to me because I feel they will make fun of me. I'm hurt and I can't take the pain any longer. I started thinking about suicide when I was 10. The only reason I haven't gone through with it is because I'm afraid of the things people will say about me and I'm afraid of dying even though I've already died inside.

I don't see myself telling my mother because the way she looks at me is devastating to my soul. I see hatred in her eyes and I can hear it in the tone of her voice. Maybe she knows what happened all along but just decided not to tell me. I'm afraid of her and everyone else in my family. I think they hate me. They call me ugly to my face and then when I'm not around they talk about and then they're quiet when I come into the room.

I want to know what would make a grown man do such a thing to a 4 year old. My soul is dead I have no confidence, I lack communication skills and I'm always shaking around a lot off people. I need help but I don't think it's anything anybody can do to help me now. I had to stand up for myself at the age of 12. He tried to rape me and all I did was run to another room where there was another soul. My stepfather wasn't the only one who raped me. My stepbrother, two of my cousins, and my mothers ex- boyfriend. Please someone tell me what to do, I'm slowly slipping from the outside world. I don't even leave the house until it's time for me to go to school. I'm so ashamed that I decided to go to school at night hoping there wouldn't be a lot of people around to stare at me. I proved myself wrong. I"m proud of myself to the fact that I am going to college to make something of myself. I lie about my personal life because my life is boring. It doesn't have life. Help me, please.
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Glen
post Aug 30 2006, 06:48 PM
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Hi Shy! I wish there was something I could say or do that could take all the pain and fear away. I don't know why some men do these things. I can only think their lives must be pretty wrecked, too. About the only thing I can tell you is, you have a much brighter future than your past. You're beginning to take charge of your own life, with college. Soon, you'll be out on your own and making your own decisions who can be around you. You'll meet people, even men, who are trustworthy. I believe, over time, your painful memories will fade and be replaced by new, beautiful and happy experiences. Hold out for those! There's plenty to live for. Please keep us posted on how things are going.
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virtual_voluntee...
post Sep 11 2006, 10:09 PM
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Dear Shy,
Yes, it is soo sad & sickening some men have to be so stupid, but all men aren't like that. Someday you will meet someone thats a very kind person. I can tell by your letter, that you sound like a very sweet hearted person, and that you despise what happened so you will be very selective in marrying.
Those kind of men, like your stepfather are cowards, that can only scare little girls. They are the sick ones.
Your Mother, I'm sure, does love you. Maybe she see's a change in attitude from her husband in regards to you. If she knew what happened, she would probably kick his butt out.
Remember, this is NOT YOUR FAULT!
Shy, you sound like you are planning on going down the right path to a bright new happy future. Go on to College, get a job, move from the sicko, and smile, cuz, your in control!
You have my Love & Prayers. Stay strong. Mom(Cathy)


--------------------
Love & Prayers,
Mom (Cathy)
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vanished
post Sep 13 2006, 06:32 AM
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Dear Shy,

I truly understand what you are feeling. The exact same thing happened to me from the time i was for until i turned 16. I am 18 now and in my first year of college. It has been hard dealing with the hurt and confusion. But i've learned how to be stronger and not let my past control my future. I'm not saying the the hurt went away, but i decided that i would either break down and lose the little control i had over my life or I was going to show my abuser that he still does not have control over my mind.
Furthermore, about why some men can hurt little girls, Honestly, i'm not sure. But I do know that sexual abuse is a generational course. This means that it is something that passes from one generation to the next unless that one person ( you and me) decide to end it. To do all we can to make a difference and take control of our lives. It all begins with one step. Whether it be talking to your mom or talking to a close and trusted friend. It also takes healing and surrundering yourself to God. I'm in the process of giving my all to God. If we let God take course of our lives, changes will come............. Instead of there being a generational course, there will be a generational blessing. Your life will be filled with blessings and your children and grandchildren to come will be blessed even more than you. Trust in God and you will see changes.
I'm here for you if you ever need a friend

be strong, smile.gif
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