Alcoholic Spouse Options

[sandy]

I am sooo glad I found this forum. Reading other people's stories helps me to see that I am not the only one cause at times it feels that way. I have been to Al Anon but it was not for me. I have struggled with trying to have my partner recognise that he is an alcoholic and that he is sacrificing our eight year old and myself for alcohol but it is the sacrifice he is willing to make. After nearly 10 years together I have finally accepted that it is not a situation I can change. We sleep in different rooms and live seperate lives in the same house. I have learnt to walk away and to try not to reason with him. It has frustrated me for so longer that we can yell and scream at each other, yet resolve nothing. He gets out of bed and speaks to me as if nothing is wrong and can't understand why I can bearly utter a word to him. My biggest concern is that my daughter will think that this is how marriage is and I hope that I am able to teach her this is not how a family should be. DAds do not spend there free time sleeping off hangovers. Yes he drinks every day and is smashed evry weekend. He says I am going to the hardware store and our daughter looks at me and says "he's going to the pub". I no longer love this man. He is not the man he was. My previous husband too was an alcoholic. I really would appreciate any feedback that I can relate to.

[rsbloml]

I Have been with the same man for 15 years in the beginning we both would drink at night after work I am a Union Electrician and construction workers there is quite a high percentage drink so it was the norm.
then i decided with some good advice from an older couple If I loved him one of us would need to quit drinking if i wanted it to work that 2 people in the relationship drinking would destroy it so i decided to stop drinking. that was about a year in. Over the years the mental abuse has been awful i am constantly making excuses for him during the years i started using drugs spent about 2 years hiding behind drugs to cope with the mental abuse i have been clean now for 3 years and i am still making excuses for him to friends neighbors and to myself
Oh he just drunk he doesn't mean any of what he is saying etc... i am 40 years old and am just flat tired the worst thing is I am still in love with the man we can go weeks with no fighting and then BAM he flips and of course i am the bad person.
i am the piece of sh** he pays for this and that. i stay because i am still inlove with him and he stuck it out with me when i was getting high every day most of the time he had no idea that i was high until that last 6 months
i have never minded him drinking all day he would rarely get drunk or if he did it wasn't often until this 2 years the work here dried up so we ended up on unemployment for over 2 years and he drank and drank and drank i was willing to go to work for less than what scale was here i was willing to take a 10 dollar and hour pay cut to work he wasn't i was willing to travel to work taking a pay cut i worked about 7 months over the 2 years he wasn't and he was drinking from the time he woke up to the time he passed out and i just ignored it. i allowed the Shut the F's up in public and i was a bi*** etc... in public in front of friends and and family.

since then i was willing to salt a job took a 12 dollar pay cut and the day that i went to sign the agreement there was a service truck driver call in the hall and i could have taken it but i called him and he took the job so he has been working since may and i have been off work there is no jobs yet there will be in about a month but till then here at home i sit.

and ...... every night he comes home and slams the beer so by 8 pm he is drunk on most nights and i walk on eggshells i am so tired of making excuses for him,
oh he is just tired oh he is just sore from work it is making him grouchy the truth is he is an alcoholic who has major mood swings i wish he could see himself maybe that would help there are so many stories here on this site i feel so alone sometimes dealing with it i am just flat frustrated and lost and needing to find myself help to deal with it all so here i am at this site looking for help and advice i really do not want to leave the man but i honestly don't know what to do anymore i have tried talking to him while he was sober and that would last a little bit and then when he is acting like jack a** he would tell me to get out yada yada yada and by the time the argument was over it would change to if you don't do more around here i am leaving and the fight will die down i try to remember you can't talk to a drunk but there are times it is so hard to stay quite and let him rant it out which last for anywhere from 30 minutes to hours of him yelling and talking garbage i know he remembers most of what is said majority of the time which makes it worse .. he is a GOOD man he gets up goes to work pays the bills etc..... so he see's nothing wrong with it he knows he has admitted he has a problem to several people but yet .......

[daiseyfeb]

I have been living with my boyfriend since 2000. I have two kids who are now 19 and 17. My boyfriend is an alcoholic and has recently been to detox for one week. Of course the drinking is not because hes an alcoholic, but its be cause the house we live in is complete chaos...WE are the reason he drinks, we are the reason his life is unmanageable. He is mentally and emotionally abusive. He is a with-holder; no sex, no hugs, no touching, no emotional support....I will leave when I am done with school in the fall if he does not take AA seriously and try to make a changes in himself. I know his problem is not caused by me, my children or our household. His problem is because he is broke: emotionally and mentally, I can not fix him, I can only fix myself. My esteem is so low from him... from me letting myself believe that I am at fault. I am just so tired from being alone in this.

[JamesWhite]

I have found an interesting video with some personal stories about alcoholism. Listening to people who have gone through alcoholism recovery is always helpful, so I think you will find it useful. Good luck to all of you who want to stop taking alcohol. Recognizing the problem is the first step. It doesn't matter if you fail, don't give up the fight.
haveigotaproblem.com/video/1456/binge-drinking-documentary-university-of-sunderland

[pamelasmith80]

I have found an interesting video with some personal stories about alcoholism. Listening to people who have gone through alcoholism recovery is always helpful, so I think you will find it useful. Good luck to all of you who want to stop taking alcohol. Recognizing the problem is the first step. It doesn't matter if you fail, don't give up the fight.
haveigotaproblem.com/video/1456/binge-drinking-documentary-university-of-sunderland

I think that hearing stories about people who have alcohol problems is the key to stop. My uncle used to drink a lot, but a friend of him had a car accident and died. He had drank. My uncle decided not to drink again, and he has been sober for almost 2 years. Someone died and that's terrible, but sometimes you don's realise hoy dangerous alcohol is until this kind of things happen.