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> Living With An Alcoholic
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Cass
post Aug 10 2008, 07:23 PM
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My husband is an alcoholic and I seem to be more affected by his addiction than he is. He drinks on average four to five beers a day and decides to get real drunk about two weekends a month. He goes to work and takes care of me and my son but emotionally depends on his beer rather than his family. Just a couple weeks ago my husband and I got into a fight about his drinking. We were over at his brothers house, his brother is a severe alcoholic, and of course, my husband began drinking excessively. The thing with my husband is he can never tell his older brother no, even when he tries, his brother will belittle him into succumbing into his brothers wishes. Anyways, so we began to fight and I ended up leaving with our son and going to my parents house. I did this in the hopes that it would have an affect on my husband and maybe turn a light bulb on in his brain. Well, instead, what happened is my husband decided to not answer my calls, I was the one who broke down and started calling, and went to a bar with his brother and got completely hammered. So while I was not sleeping at my parents my husband was at a bar. He arrived home, from what he tells me, in the early hours of the next morning. He did not realize that his son and his wife were gone. I called him all night long but he was passed out. Early the next morning I headed back home to find my husband barely waking up from his drunken stooper, telling me he didn't feel like he did anything wrong. The point to this story is an alcoholic will always depend more on their alcohol for love and comfort and when we, as codependents, allow them the opportunity to get away with their selfishness and emotional abuse, we are doing nothing but enabling them. I wish I knew how to make my husband see how much he hurts me and how much he can potentially hurt our son. I love him and do not know how to leave him, so I am here, just another codependent trying to find a path way to sanity!
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guinness
post Oct 2 2008, 02:08 PM
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My husband sounds like a clone of yours! You may notice I have named myself guinness, this is because it is the drink that my husband and his brother are addicted to. I detest the constant smell of it in his breath. He seems to drink 5-8 pints per day for weeks at a time and all of a sudden he will leave it alone for a while, weird? Does this make him an alcoholic? I believe it does. His older brother is a nightmare, much worse than my husband and a huge influence to him. He is told he is under the thumb etc if he even considers refusing a drink from him. A drink I could handle, it is the frequency of it. My daughter and I always come 2nd, 3rd or 10th on his list of priorities when drink is involved. He has no regard for how we feel. Tonight I received a phone call from a stranger telling me that my husband was unconcious somewhere. Like the idiot I am I got my young daughter out of bed an went to his rescue. I can't help it, I love him so much. When he has a sober episode he is fantastic. I can't leave him, I have tried, several times. I just wish he could see what he is doing to himself and his family. How do you cope when you are left 2nd best to the demon drink? I often cry and feel bad about myself. I can't stand alcohol anymore because of him so I don't go out, infact I don't do anything except work, cook, clean and see to our daughter. I can't get a break because I never know when he will go off on one so I can't rely on him. I have nobody to talk to and am feeling desperate. I am terrified of the impression he is scarring my daughter with of what a man should be like. I hope you can sort things out and be happy.
I am even scared he will find out I have done this because he will go mad, he is so paranoid and accuses me of everything and anything....usually an excuse to cause a row to go out for a pint or 10.
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muthu
post Nov 3 2008, 08:28 AM
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This very nice advising cool site. alcohol is used to make a addictions. its a very dangerous to health. its make some critical health problem. this article very useful for drug addictions and it will make awareness.
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Muthu


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rjalf325
post Nov 13 2008, 06:41 PM
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I just came across this site. I am at my wits end! I am thinking of leaving my husband, not divorce, move out, just to see if this will wake him up! We have a 7 month old, and he was 11 months 3 weeks sober until recently. Am I supposed to hide his keys when he drinks?, or let him kill someone?, and live with that for the rest of my life? I am sooo tired of "BABYSITTING" We are both Christians, and holding on to God's hope is the only thing that has kept us both sane! I used to be a party girl, and I know part of the reason my husband can not give it up, is because I am not as "FUN" as when I drank. I can not let our daughter live with "daddy being sick", and saying things he does not mean, and doesn't even remember when he is drunk. I have tried telling him all the horrible things he does, and says, and have gotten majorly MAD. (Which I never want our daughter to see) I have also tried to hug, and kiss him, and say it is o.k., he just had a fallback, and to pick up, and try again. WHAT DO I DO?? He really is a good man!
I read on here, someone whom was an alcoholic, and said the best thing was to leave.
Any advice??
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Lexiwrite44
post Dec 17 2008, 07:50 AM
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Alcoholics hate themselves and are incapable of loving anyone...not their kids, their spouse, their parents...they are all pawns to be used to get that next drink. Drinking isn't an alcoholic's first love, it's their ONLY love. Until that bond is broken, no one else will be allowed in.

I love Dr. Phill's advice. He said that it is possible to get help for an alcoholic even if they are not willing to admit they need help. What we (yeah, I'm married to one too!) need to do is gather all the important people in the alcoholic's life who are not alcoholics themselves, and have a family meeting without the alcoholic present. Have everyone get on the same page in terms of an intervention. If everyone present is willing to cut off all ties to the alcoholic if he/she does not agree to seek help, then that is what you need to do. Cut all ties. Leave the alcoholic and let him/her fend for him/herself. If the alcoholic agrees that they do need help, ensure that you have a treatment plan in place - be that a dry-out centre, or an AA meeting.

Do not let the alcoholic have the power in YOUR life. YOU take control! One way or the other, this plan will work.

If you find that you have to leave the relationship, you need to have a plan of action. Seek the professional advise of a lawyer or counsellor or doctor. Give yourself a set date - kind of like quitting smoking. Have a support team in your corner: your best friend, parents, children, aunt, uncle... anyone who can offer you sound advice.

If you are not willing to do anything about your relationship, then you aren't ready to take the necessary action. Seek professional help to sort through your feelings.

unsure.gif It's never easy to take control of your own life. But it's something we all need to do to get healthy. Take care. I hope this helps at least one person.
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