Recent abuse recovery help topics. http://www.way2hope.org/family-forums/index.php Fri, 20 Nov 2009 18:35:35 -0800 60 http://www.way2hope.org/family-forums/index.php?showtopic=1629 I need help in anyway possible. A hero if you will. I am 27, a fulltime student, and a stay at home mom. I am married to a man that is very abusive. He choked me the other night to the point that i almost blacked out. Just two weeks ago, he said he doesnt want ot be a father, husband and provider anymore and walked out on us. He makes all the money.Just the pther day he got another DUI and will going to jail very soon and then I will be homeless with no where to go. I have nothing just two hungry, growning mouths to feed. I have no car, no job,no family and no money. I am trying to get state help but to get cash help u need to go to a class to help get you a job. I dont have a car to get there. I have tried shelters they wont take my 5 months old daughter or they dont have beds for us. He is out of the house. I want to leave with my kids to Chicago and need help getting there and getting settled.I know this is a long shot but I will do anything to get my kids to a safe place. I need this help and any other help you could provide would be great!. thanks for listening . Tue, 03 Nov 2009 11:45:16 -0800 http://www.way2hope.org/family-forums/index.php?showtopic=1629 http://www.way2hope.org/family-forums/index.php?showtopic=1624 Sun, 25 Oct 2009 18:33:59 -0700 http://www.way2hope.org/family-forums/index.php?showtopic=1624 http://www.way2hope.org/family-forums/index.php?showtopic=1641 if your father touches you by your pubic hair and had pulled covers back when you were in bed and said he was going to miss you when you were gone-but there was no sex,is this still classified as incest-i feel violated and it was years ago-it changed my life but i still keep wondering just because it wasnt intercourseis it still wrong and considered incest? what feild would i be in. it seems child sex abuse is always mentioned as a father etc who had intercourse-this was just a one time thing for me -but it changed my life and i never wanted to hug him again or tell him i love him-but i always made rationolizations about him-like he wasnt the type-everyone respected him-christian-and i finally wrote to him and told him i couldnt stand it anymore-30 some years later-and im finding out that he said he needs to explain why he did this and the reason before i get out of control in my ideas-so i feel like he has denied the fact to my mother and to himself and to me that he did anything wrong and now i truly want nothing to do with him...any advice or help or ideas would be appreciated-we have no councelers in my town. Fri, 13 Nov 2009 13:18:42 -0800 http://www.way2hope.org/family-forums/index.php?showtopic=1641 http://www.way2hope.org/family-forums/index.php?showtopic=1606
It took me so long to speak my truth. I'm pushing 50 now, and it took me this long.

But this angered my sister, who at one point admitted in therapy she had also been molested, but has in recent years turned back to denial.

So I feel guilt about having spoken the truth and not honored my family. I walked away from my family, which is something society thinks is always a wrong thing to do. I guess I am just here looking for some emotional support if anyone can spare the time to help me, because this decision felt very right to me but it's also hard, and I'm struggling with guilt.

Thank you for reading this.]]> Fri, 09 Oct 2009 14:42:37 -0700 http://www.way2hope.org/family-forums/index.php?showtopic=1606 http://www.way2hope.org/family-forums/index.php?showtopic=1579
I am a 21 year old male who is in college at the moment and is slowly opening up socially and emotionally after years of being withdrawn and wrecked with anxiety. My life seems to be improving all constantly, especially since I've gotten into a relationship with someone who I am very much in love with. But one problem still persists and it's going to cause more and more problems unless I deal with it now, and the first step is telling someone. An online forums seems appropriate for starting to talk about an issue like this.

I was sexually and physically abused, and raped when I was 7-13 by the son of a friend of the family who, at the time was about 6 years older than I was. I've come out and told my parents about the abuse when I was 13, and since then have had support from my parents, and had some rejection from others; in fact I was actually made fun of for it by some cruel individuals. I was in therapy at the time for ADHD issues, and had received very little therapy for the sexual abuse, mostly because I didn't feel like I wanted it at the time. I didn't feel "damaged" at the time. I felt like I could get over it, and I still feel like the events themselves aren't very traumatic for me, even though the problems they have caused me prove me wrong.
I'm sure all of you have heard that a large number of sexual abuse victims go on to abuse children themselves (I'll say again that I am not an offender and have NEVER touched or abused anyone else). But since about the 8th grade, I have found myself attracted to children. I think it's because of a combination of being abused myself, and living all my life with anxiety and social problems (even before the abuse) and I find children less intimidating. It's a rather blunt way to put it, but I cannot find words that express the situation better. Now let me add a few more details that are the main reasons for me being in such a conflict: I am not emotionally attracted to children, I have always had an inner conflict about it all and have been angry at myself for years, and I don't feel like it's who I am to be this way. I want to stop it all and move on with my life.

Like I have said before, I am in a relationship with someone who I love very, very much. But whenever we are intimate, I get scared and I start to withdraw. Sometimes I feel better than other times, but sometimes I have trouble even taking my shirt off out of shyness and embarrassment. The feelings of anxiety and embarrassment rip me out of any intimate mood I would be in. And I feel like it all roots back to sexual abuse, because I am literally embarrassed about being intimate. Sometimes I hate having sexual feelings towards anything and I go through periods where I just reject any feelings at all and don't even want to hear the word "sex." I'm afraid to go to a therapist with these issues because they are required by law to report me as a possible pedophile, which is garbage because I completely reject those kind of feelings and that's why I am here in the first place. I just want to be able to recover from the utter embarrassment of being sexual and revealing my body that sexual abuse has put me in, which is the probable cause of me being attracted to children (because I do NOT take it to a further level with emotional feelings or plans to do anything). I feel like because I'm in this situation, I'm forced have sexual feelings towards something I find less intimidating: children rather than adults. I DO have sexual feelings for adults, however because of this problem, I cannot express that in person to, say, my partner. Thankfully my partner is very understanding and knows I need to feel more comfortable first...but I need help. I need to recover. I need to be ok with revealing my body and being sexual with someone else.

I want to know if anyone else has issues similar to this, what they have done, and if anything has helped. I'm desperate for help...I'm tired of pushing these feelings under the rug and thinking they'll just go away. It's time for me to start healing.

Thank you so much for reading and helping.

Rex]]> Wed, 19 Aug 2009 11:05:50 -0700 http://www.way2hope.org/family-forums/index.php?showtopic=1579 http://www.way2hope.org/family-forums/index.php?showtopic=1636
There is a film called "Searching For Angela Shelton" that I think every victim of rape or abuse should see.

You can find it on IndieFlix.

The survey of women in America says that 70% have been victims of violence.

In the uplifting and multi-award-winning documentary, filmmaker Angela Shelton drives around the United States surveying other Angela Sheltons. She discovers that 24 out of the 40 Angela Sheltons she speaks to are survivors of rape, childhood sexual abuse, and/or domestic violence (the number jumped to 28 out of 40 when 4 more Angelas broke their silence after the movie was completed).

Angela Shelton's survey of women becomes a journey of self-discovery during which she decides to finally confront her own past and her abusive father on Father's Day. The Angela Shelton's complete the journey by teaching the filmmaker about healing, faith, and the power of the human spirit, no matter what your name is.]]> Mon, 09 Nov 2009 15:41:01 -0800 http://www.way2hope.org/family-forums/index.php?showtopic=1636 http://www.way2hope.org/family-forums/index.php?showtopic=1622 Wed, 21 Oct 2009 22:10:51 -0700 http://www.way2hope.org/family-forums/index.php?showtopic=1622 http://www.way2hope.org/family-forums/index.php?showtopic=1611 Fri, 16 Oct 2009 18:10:15 -0700 http://www.way2hope.org/family-forums/index.php?showtopic=1611 http://www.way2hope.org/family-forums/index.php?showtopic=1607
I'm new here. I've been married just over a year and a half. I married my best friend. The most wonderful boyfriend you could imagine. We were dating for over a year and a half and friends before that. I am 42 and he is now 47. It is my second marriage and his thirdl. Not hardley a few months into our marriage he started verbally abusing me. It's taken me quite awhile to realize it. There have been some excellent wonderful periods in our marriage, mostly when he isn't under a lot of stress. However there have been some really dark times and they seem to go on for quite awhile.

It's been hard to term it abuse simply because it doesn't seem to fit. He's called me names a few times, most recently Friday. When I told him how much it hurt he told me I deserved it because I was talking to him frustratedly. Most often when he gets to the point of calling names or saying really hurtful things to me we've been having a discussion and he is to a point he wants it over now. Very often he gets side tracked with a discussion of telling me what I meant or how I felt about a particular issue. When I try to defend myself or state my position again he completely rejects any redefinition of what I am saying and that's when he blows up and says hurtful things. And they can be pretty horrible.

My husband refuses to acknowledge that anything he has said is wrong or hurtful. It's always my fault. If I wouldn't have said this than he wouldn't have had to say that. If I hadn't pushed his buttons then he wouldn't have struck out at me.

I have recently talked to his sister's ex husband and this was a pattern in their household as well.

I am learning that this is a problem and I am learning it is not my fault. I have a great counselor. My question is can he change? What specific behavior can I do for MYSELF when this starts to protect myself? Why can he just not see what he is doing?

Thanks so much for your help. I'm just starting on this road to recovery and I don't know what to do. The biggest problem is I love the guy. When it's good, it's very good.

FishMom]]> Tue, 13 Oct 2009 14:12:12 -0700 http://www.way2hope.org/family-forums/index.php?showtopic=1607 http://www.way2hope.org/family-forums/index.php?showtopic=1603 I was raped by a friend whom I had previously slept with. I actually cheated on my boyfriend at the time with him and when he came back for more I told him no, that I was going to be faithful, and he had other plans in mind. For awhile I blamed myself and I have since moved past this, I should probably mention that it was about 3 years ago. I still have not worked up the courage to tell my parents however for lack of courage of hurting them and of what they might say I guess. Anyhow, I am writing this because I still get shaken up with my current boyfriend. If he is too rough or grabs my wrist or neck, even just joking around, I freak out. I can simply ask him not to do these things however I want to be able to joke around and wrestle and such with the man I love. I want to be able to be with him without seeing the guy that raped me. I want to be able for him to not feel like crap because of my damage and baggage! Please help me. Thu, 01 Oct 2009 23:02:54 -0700 http://www.way2hope.org/family-forums/index.php?showtopic=1603